The nightmares stopped years and years ago, but there's still a hole in my heart that will never heal. Sure, other friends have come into my life and Grinch-like made my heart bigger so I could love them all, but that doesn't change the fact that my friend Scott is gone.
Can't believe it's been 20 years.
Don't know how I'm going to get through typing this post, but I have to. I don't know if anyone besides buffalobills
and I remember, but I feel like someone has to mark the time, to somehow immortalize someone taken from us all too soon.
I know apocalypticbob
Loss is part of life. This isn't news. I have lost loved ones due to age, illness, accident, and suicide. They're all tragic—every one. I mourn. I grieve. But there's a pathology to losing someone to murder that makes healing exponentially different (if not outright impossible).I've posted about him before, my sweet Scooter
, trying to capture the bits and pieces of time when our lives intersected. All my photo albums are in storage; I'm hoping Jacque can track down a picture. I have an urgent need to see his face again.
I don't know if it was because I was just 19 when we met—such a drastic time of change in my life—that helped that time of my life make such an indelible mark on me. I was just starting to figure out who I wanted to be. No, that's not quite right. I was starting to see what was actually possible. Scott—my Scooter—was a big part of that. Hell, everyone that lived upstairs in those apartments on Oram was a big part of that, and I'm eternally grateful. Paula, Stace, Jennifer, Danny, Scott and Martha, Mark, and (heaven help me) Shawn.
Anytime I'm driving late at night in Dallas, I almost instantly feel like I'm back then/there—crazy nights when my blood boiled and I couldn't stay inside;I had to drive or die (or so it seemed). I just needed an open sun roof, air on my face and something good on the radio. Under the sodium glow of the street lights I could breathe again, like a shark needs to keep moving to stay alive.
I've mostly forced myself out of the habit of looking for him when I go to a show. It wasn't as extreme as Shawn where I'd miss him badly enough and he'd manifest, but I'd wonder how Scooter was doing and within a brief span of time I'd run into him at Clearview or Trees. It's a sucker punch to the solar plexus every time I realize I'll never see him again, all because some dumb ass dropped a couple hits of acid, freaked out and shot my friend thirteen times.
Aaaaand here we go. It's still so fresh in so many ways. I will never be completely out of tears to cry over this. They're not as debilitating or frequent, but they still flow easily.
Twenty years. It hardly seems possible.
I love and miss you still, Scooter. I haven't forgotten you. I never will.
JULY 13, 1991Grandson of ex-Baylor president among 2 fatally shot
Author: From Staff and Wire Reports
Edition: HOME FINAL
A grandson of former Baylor University president Abner McCall was one of two Dallas residents shot to death early Friday in an attack at a San Marcos apartment complex.
A third person was critically wounded.
The dead were identified as Andrea L. Reynolds and Richard Scott Martin, both 20. Mr. Martin, a Baylor University journalism student, was Dr. McCall's grandson. He was shot 13 times with a .22-caliber semiautomatic rifle, authorities said. "It's just a young life cut short by a terrible tragedy,' said Nelwyn Reagan, a friend of the McCall family's who was answering the telephone Friday night at their Waco home.
A 23-year-old Southwest Texas State University student was arrested in connection with the shooting spree.
Todd Carman, a senior psychology major from Spring, was charged with capital murder and attempted murder. Justice of the Peace Macel Sullivan set bail at $50,000 on the attempted murder charge and denied bail! on the capital charge.
Travis County Medical Examiner Roberto Bayardo said Mr. Martin was shot 13 times and Ms. Reynolds three times.
The wounded woman, Shannon L. Roeder, 21, of San Marcos, was in guarded condition in the intensive care unit of Central Texas Medical Center, a hospital spokesman said.
Ms. Roeder, a junior at Southwest Texas State, underwent surgery for a neck wound.
Police said all three victims were found in the living room of an apartment that Mr. Carman and Ms. Roeder shared.
Mr. Carman remained jailed as authorities tried to determine the motive for the shootings.
Mr. Martin's mother last saw him Thursday night, when he dined with her and Dr. McCall in Waco. He left for San Marcos about 9 p.m. "All we know is he got to San Marcos about midnight,' Ms. Reagan said.
Ms. Reagan said police knew little about the shooting. Mr. Martin and Ms. Reynolds apparently were visiting San Marcos because she was considering enrolling in college there, Ms. Reagan said. -
1991 Copyright The Dallas Morning News Company
Record Number: 07*13*DAL1208371