sandmansister: (Speak)
2015-05-18 03:54 pm

What's Going On?

Doing a lot of pondering lately about What the Hell I'm Doing. How am I spending my time and energy? Turns out, both are finite and the older I get the more apparent it becomes. I need more time to recover from most of my Doin' and I start to wonder why. It's not a bad thing, but certainly not comfortable.

Of course, the Doing Something About What I Learn part is more tricksy. I'm not unique in that; it's a by-product of being human. BLAH. But here we are.

I've worked to get back some mental/emotional resilience since cancer and cancer-related malfeasance. That's Step One. Step Two is figuring out how to avoid pitfalls of The Way I've Always Done Things. And part of that is taking an honest look at Who I Am, What I Want.

Jesus, I am tired of myself. I'm just... tired.

I want and need to make music. I love singing a cappella. But is Faire the best place for me to do that? I am dubious, as it costs me quite a lot in other ways. But it's comfortable and that makes it easy... which probably means it's the wrong choice. Also, you can't take in new things unless there's a void. Scary, but true.

And while I've always liked Going Out and Doing Stuff, I am less and less willing to interact with the General Public these days. Part of me turning into Hallmark's Maxine, I suppose. I just can't stand People. I have such little tolerance for their small minds and self-absorbed ways. Fucking cattle.

Part of me rebels at the idea of "slowing down," but that's an idea. My life shouldn't be held hostage to some construct in my stupid brain. Besides, if I'd really rather be at home reading a book or puttering in my garden or organizing my spice rack then WHO THE FUCK CARES?!

So... yeah.

It all comes down to authenticity. Happiness is overrated. It doesn't make us better people (it's often used more like a drug, anyway), and it's ultimately transitory like every other damn thing in this world. Everything changes, good or bad. And yet we humans manage to be surprised and disappointed by this fact again and again. Sheesh. So better to focus on being authentic to one's core than on any emotional state.

I know there are things I want to change. Need to find my way to a Princess Bride/Westley frame of mind where I do things then say, "Good job, self. Nice work. I'll most likely quit in the morning." I'm feeling like a fraud and a phony but I have to keep the Feelings Aren't Facts mantra going. How do I feel? Who cares?! Am I authentic? That's the stuff.

But I've always been prone to living too much in my head, planning things and pondering. It's cute and all, but not that useful. I guess what it really boils down to is meditation. Even just a little, but consistently so I can touch that core and tune out voices and focus on authentic, especially when it's uncomfortable. Lean in to those bits.

There will always be a million valid reasons not to, but if I want to be authentic and find some small measure of satisfaction in this life then it's hardly optional.
sandmansister: (Pink Ribbon)
2011-10-10 12:16 am

Think Pink

Thanks to you amazing people, I've made almost 250% of my goal in just 2 days. Now let's kick it up a notch. Some dear friends made the offer to match all donated funds up to $100.00 to honor me and others like me. Isn't that incredible?!? So your donation counts for even more. Give or boost the signal so we can SAVE THE BOOBIES!!!

http://dallas.info-komen.org/site/TR/Events?px=10935488&pg=personal&fr_id=2145&s_subsrc=bfgetwordout&s_src=boundlessfundraising
sandmansister: (Pink Ribbon)
2011-10-10 12:16 am

Think Pink

Thanks to you amazing people, I've made almost 250% of my goal in just 2 days. Now let's kick it up a notch. Some dear friends made the offer to match all donated funds up to $100.00 to honor me and others like me. Isn't that incredible?!? So your donation counts for even more. Give or boost the signal so we can SAVE THE BOOBIES!!!

http://dallas.info-komen.org/site/TR/Events?px=10935488&pg=personal&fr_id=2145&s_subsrc=bfgetwordout&s_src=boundlessfundraising
sandmansister: (Pink Ribbon)
2011-10-10 12:16 am

Think Pink

Thanks to you amazing people, I've made almost 250% of my goal in just 2 days. Now let's kick it up a notch. Some dear friends made the offer to match all donated funds up to $100.00 to honor me and others like me. Isn't that incredible?!? So your donation counts for even more. Give or boost the signal so we can SAVE THE BOOBIES!!!

http://dallas.info-komen.org/site/TR/Events?px=10935488&pg=personal&fr_id=2145&s_subsrc=bfgetwordout&s_src=boundlessfundraising
sandmansister: (Pink Ribbon)
2011-10-10 12:16 am

Think Pink

Thanks to you amazing people, I've made almost 250% of my goal in just 2 days. Now let's kick it up a notch. Some dear friends made the offer to match all donated funds up to $100.00 to honor me and others like me. Isn't that incredible?!? So your donation counts for even more. Give or boost the signal so we can SAVE THE BOOBIES!!!

http://dallas.info-komen.org/site/TR/Events?px=10935488&pg=personal&fr_id=2145&s_subsrc=bfgetwordout&s_src=boundlessfundraising
sandmansister: (Celtic - tree)
2011-09-22 11:28 am

Timely and Perfect

Shared by [livejournal.com profile] deramani; archiving here for my own purposes (and, hopefully, your enjoyment).

The Laughing Heart
by Charles Bukowski

Your life is your life
don’t let it be clubbed into dank submission.
be on the watch.
there are ways out.
there is light somewhere.
it may not be much light but
it beats the darkness.
be on the watch.
the gods will offer you chances.
know them, take them.
you can’t beat death but
you can beat death in life,
sometimes.
and the more often you
learn to do it,
the more light there will be.
your life is your life.
know it while you have it.
you are marvelous
the gods wait to delight in you.
sandmansister: (Celtic - tree)
2011-09-22 11:28 am

Timely and Perfect

Shared by [livejournal.com profile] deramani; archiving here for my own purposes (and, hopefully, your enjoyment).

The Laughing Heart
by Charles Bukowski

Your life is your life
don’t let it be clubbed into dank submission.
be on the watch.
there are ways out.
there is light somewhere.
it may not be much light but
it beats the darkness.
be on the watch.
the gods will offer you chances.
know them, take them.
you can’t beat death but
you can beat death in life,
sometimes.
and the more often you
learn to do it,
the more light there will be.
your life is your life.
know it while you have it.
you are marvelous
the gods wait to delight in you.
sandmansister: (Celtic - tree)
2011-09-22 11:28 am

Timely and Perfect

Shared by [livejournal.com profile] deramani; archiving here for my own purposes (and, hopefully, your enjoyment).

The Laughing Heart
by Charles Bukowski

Your life is your life
don’t let it be clubbed into dank submission.
be on the watch.
there are ways out.
there is light somewhere.
it may not be much light but
it beats the darkness.
be on the watch.
the gods will offer you chances.
know them, take them.
you can’t beat death but
you can beat death in life,
sometimes.
and the more often you
learn to do it,
the more light there will be.
your life is your life.
know it while you have it.
you are marvelous
the gods wait to delight in you.
sandmansister: (Celtic - tree)
2011-09-22 11:28 am

Timely and Perfect

Shared by [livejournal.com profile] deramani; archiving here for my own purposes (and, hopefully, your enjoyment).

The Laughing Heart
by Charles Bukowski

Your life is your life
don’t let it be clubbed into dank submission.
be on the watch.
there are ways out.
there is light somewhere.
it may not be much light but
it beats the darkness.
be on the watch.
the gods will offer you chances.
know them, take them.
you can’t beat death but
you can beat death in life,
sometimes.
and the more often you
learn to do it,
the more light there will be.
your life is your life.
know it while you have it.
you are marvelous
the gods wait to delight in you.
sandmansister: (Tick - Thinks)
2011-09-09 02:57 pm
Entry tags:

Another Tattoo Poll

So... I'm still pondering my next tattoo. I know what I want it to say, but I'm still trying to figure out the execution. I have some ideas, of course, but wanted to check in with the VURD to get other opinions and/or troubleshoot things that may not have occurred to me.

I want it to say Be present for everything. My initial feeling was that I didn't want it in English, but I'm torn as to what language would be appropriate. Now I'm questioning that initial gut reaction. If the point is for me to have a message/reminder to myself, then what's wrong with one's mother tongue?

The tat will happen soon, one way or the other. Just trying to figure out what form of expression will make me happiest in the long run.


[Poll #1777280]
sandmansister: (Tick - Thinks)
2011-09-09 02:57 pm
Entry tags:

Another Tattoo Poll

So... I'm still pondering my next tattoo. I know what I want it to say, but I'm still trying to figure out the execution. I have some ideas, of course, but wanted to check in with the VURD to get other opinions and/or troubleshoot things that may not have occurred to me.

I want it to say Be present for everything. My initial feeling was that I didn't want it in English, but I'm torn as to what language would be appropriate. Now I'm questioning that initial gut reaction. If the point is for me to have a message/reminder to myself, then what's wrong with one's mother tongue?

The tat will happen soon, one way or the other. Just trying to figure out what form of expression will make me happiest in the long run.


[Poll #1777280]
sandmansister: (Tick - Thinks)
2011-09-09 02:57 pm
Entry tags:

Another Tattoo Poll

So... I'm still pondering my next tattoo. I know what I want it to say, but I'm still trying to figure out the execution. I have some ideas, of course, but wanted to check in with the VURD to get other opinions and/or troubleshoot things that may not have occurred to me.

I want it to say Be present for everything. My initial feeling was that I didn't want it in English, but I'm torn as to what language would be appropriate. Now I'm questioning that initial gut reaction. If the point is for me to have a message/reminder to myself, then what's wrong with one's mother tongue?

The tat will happen soon, one way or the other. Just trying to figure out what form of expression will make me happiest in the long run.


[Poll #1777280]
sandmansister: (Tick - Thinks)
2011-09-09 02:57 pm
Entry tags:

Another Tattoo Poll

So... I'm still pondering my next tattoo. I know what I want it to say, but I'm still trying to figure out the execution. I have some ideas, of course, but wanted to check in with the VURD to get other opinions and/or troubleshoot things that may not have occurred to me.

I want it to say Be present for everything. My initial feeling was that I didn't want it in English, but I'm torn as to what language would be appropriate. Now I'm questioning that initial gut reaction. If the point is for me to have a message/reminder to myself, then what's wrong with one's mother tongue?

The tat will happen soon, one way or the other. Just trying to figure out what form of expression will make me happiest in the long run.


[Poll #1777280]
sandmansister: (Unapologetically Myself)
2011-08-15 11:53 am

An Important Reminder

Thanks to this blog post from Strong Is the New Skinny:

sandmansister: (Unapologetically Myself)
2011-08-15 11:53 am

An Important Reminder

Thanks to this blog post from Strong Is the New Skinny:

sandmansister: (Unapologetically Myself)
2011-08-15 11:53 am

An Important Reminder

Thanks to this blog post from Strong Is the New Skinny:

sandmansister: (Unapologetically Myself)
2011-08-15 11:53 am

An Important Reminder

Thanks to this blog post from Strong Is the New Skinny:

sandmansister: (Default)
2011-08-03 03:02 pm

Signal Boost: Return of the DDoS

Originally posted by [livejournal.com profile] deathpixie at Signal Boost: Return of the DDoS
For those wanting to know more about the recent DDoS attacks, yes, it looks like it was the Russian government trying to shut down the dissidents again.

As I said last time, while it's frustrating not to have access, LJ is a lot more than a social network platform. From the article:

"LiveJournal isn’t just a social network. It’s also a platform for organizing civic action. Dozens of network projects and groups mobilize people to solve specific problems — from defending the rights of political prisoners to saving endangered historic architecture in Moscow."

So while I know many are considering the move over to Dreamwidth and other such sites, supporting LJ is a way we can help support those who use it for more than a writing/roleplaying/social venue.


Also, as a FYI, LJ is giving paid users effected by the outage two weeks of paid time as compensation.


sandmansister: (Default)
2011-08-03 03:02 pm

Signal Boost: Return of the DDoS

Originally posted by [livejournal.com profile] deathpixie at Signal Boost: Return of the DDoS
For those wanting to know more about the recent DDoS attacks, yes, it looks like it was the Russian government trying to shut down the dissidents again.

As I said last time, while it's frustrating not to have access, LJ is a lot more than a social network platform. From the article:

"LiveJournal isn’t just a social network. It’s also a platform for organizing civic action. Dozens of network projects and groups mobilize people to solve specific problems — from defending the rights of political prisoners to saving endangered historic architecture in Moscow."

So while I know many are considering the move over to Dreamwidth and other such sites, supporting LJ is a way we can help support those who use it for more than a writing/roleplaying/social venue.


Also, as a FYI, LJ is giving paid users effected by the outage two weeks of paid time as compensation.


sandmansister: (Default)
2011-08-03 03:02 pm

Signal Boost: Return of the DDoS

Originally posted by [livejournal.com profile] deathpixie at Signal Boost: Return of the DDoS
For those wanting to know more about the recent DDoS attacks, yes, it looks like it was the Russian government trying to shut down the dissidents again.

As I said last time, while it's frustrating not to have access, LJ is a lot more than a social network platform. From the article:

"LiveJournal isn’t just a social network. It’s also a platform for organizing civic action. Dozens of network projects and groups mobilize people to solve specific problems — from defending the rights of political prisoners to saving endangered historic architecture in Moscow."

So while I know many are considering the move over to Dreamwidth and other such sites, supporting LJ is a way we can help support those who use it for more than a writing/roleplaying/social venue.


Also, as a FYI, LJ is giving paid users effected by the outage two weeks of paid time as compensation.