sandmansister: (Music lover)
It's been too long between substantial posts. Work, faire, life... they all conspire. But until I find brain space to update, I have a story to tell.

You see, I am a very fortunate girl who knows and loves amazing people. Fortunately, most of them return the sentiment and I get to have amazing experiences because of it.

On Friday, April 29th, I got to go to a private, back yard concert by Tish Hinojosa. She's a Latina singer/songwriter and of course, Jimmy was the one who introduced me to her. It's not my usual, but he taught me to appreciate the simple, true-to-life stories and heartfelt Tejana style.



He's been gone since February of 2004, but as Leslie so rightly pointed out, he still throws a great party. Here's the back-story:

Jimmy purchased the domain name "Tish.com" to put up a fan site, but never felt his offerings were worthy of publishing on the interwebs (as if!). So when it came up for renewal, someone else wanted to purchase it. Judy (Jimmy's mom) received the request and didn't feel right about letting it go without notifying Tish first.

Judy reached out through Tish's Web site and received a reply back. Of course she remembered Jimmy; he came to every Dallas show and always had a doll from his travels for her daughter. Tish was very upset to hear of his passing, and honored to know that A Song for the Journey was the closing song played at his memorial. She was going to be in Texas at the end of April and offered a private concert for Jimmy's friends.

I wish I had words for the experience. I am still processing the mix of emotions. The music was perfection - Texas songs under the stars on a warm Spring evening. Candle light. Good beer. Dear friends, and the notable absence of the one who brought us together.

It's so fitting that a performer on Tish's level remembers Jimmy. His passion for music (and, really, all of life) made him shine so brightly. What a wonderful confirmation for us who know and love him—yes, present tense usage is intentional—to realize that his special way of interacting with the world was noticeable and memorable to someone who meets so many people across the world.



Then there were the reunions. I haven't seen Jo since... Lordy, I don't know when. His memorial, maybe? That's a damn shame. But the hugs and laughter picked up as if no time had passed. I'd seen Shawn once or twice and we've kept in touch online, but I couldn't stop hugging him! I got lost in the hug, in fact. Time stopped and I cried. Sorrow of loss? Joy of reuniting? Both.

Chris, too. I will never forget the Von Ehrics show right after Jimmy died. It was my birthday and I decided to drown sorrows in a rockabilly show, not knowing my beloved Chris was the drummer. We couldn't stop hugging that night, either. Just a couple of schmoobly idiots grinning and snuggling in the middle of a mosh pit.

And let's not get started on his sister Carol. She hasn't changed one iota. It's unnatural. Jo & I agreed that she's luring virgins and sacrificing them in her basement. She just giggled and smiled. Wicked creature (and I love her for it)!








That night was also the first Red Star Reunion. See, Lesa & Leslie adopted a star for Jimmy. It rises on his birthday and is high overhead when he left us. They got star tattoos (in red, because if Jimmy were a color it would be passionate and vibrant red) to commemorate. Shawn did, too. And later, Judy & I joined the ranks.



It sounds like a pretty simple story, but if you could hear the music and love behind the lame words... I'll never forget the experience, and the people who shared it with me.
sandmansister: (Music lover)
It's been too long between substantial posts. Work, faire, life... they all conspire. But until I find brain space to update, I have a story to tell.

You see, I am a very fortunate girl who knows and loves amazing people. Fortunately, most of them return the sentiment and I get to have amazing experiences because of it.

On Friday, April 29th, I got to go to a private, back yard concert by Tish Hinojosa. She's a Latina singer/songwriter and of course, Jimmy was the one who introduced me to her. It's not my usual, but he taught me to appreciate the simple, true-to-life stories and heartfelt Tejana style.



He's been gone since February of 2004, but as Leslie so rightly pointed out, he still throws a great party. Here's the back-story:

Jimmy purchased the domain name "Tish.com" to put up a fan site, but never felt his offerings were worthy of publishing on the interwebs (as if!). So when it came up for renewal, someone else wanted to purchase it. Judy (Jimmy's mom) received the request and didn't feel right about letting it go without notifying Tish first.

Judy reached out through Tish's Web site and received a reply back. Of course she remembered Jimmy; he came to every Dallas show and always had a doll from his travels for her daughter. Tish was very upset to hear of his passing, and honored to know that A Song for the Journey was the closing song played at his memorial. She was going to be in Texas at the end of April and offered a private concert for Jimmy's friends.

I wish I had words for the experience. I am still processing the mix of emotions. The music was perfection - Texas songs under the stars on a warm Spring evening. Candle light. Good beer. Dear friends, and the notable absence of the one who brought us together.

It's so fitting that a performer on Tish's level remembers Jimmy. His passion for music (and, really, all of life) made him shine so brightly. What a wonderful confirmation for us who know and love him—yes, present tense usage is intentional—to realize that his special way of interacting with the world was noticeable and memorable to someone who meets so many people across the world.



Then there were the reunions. I haven't seen Jo since... Lordy, I don't know when. His memorial, maybe? That's a damn shame. But the hugs and laughter picked up as if no time had passed. I'd seen Shawn once or twice and we've kept in touch online, but I couldn't stop hugging him! I got lost in the hug, in fact. Time stopped and I cried. Sorrow of loss? Joy of reuniting? Both.

Chris, too. I will never forget the Von Ehrics show right after Jimmy died. It was my birthday and I decided to drown sorrows in a rockabilly show, not knowing my beloved Chris was the drummer. We couldn't stop hugging that night, either. Just a couple of schmoobly idiots grinning and snuggling in the middle of a mosh pit.

And let's not get started on his sister Carol. She hasn't changed one iota. It's unnatural. Jo & I agreed that she's luring virgins and sacrificing them in her basement. She just giggled and smiled. Wicked creature (and I love her for it)!








That night was also the first Red Star Reunion. See, Lesa & Leslie adopted a star for Jimmy. It rises on his birthday and is high overhead when he left us. They got star tattoos (in red, because if Jimmy were a color it would be passionate and vibrant red) to commemorate. Shawn did, too. And later, Judy & I joined the ranks.



It sounds like a pretty simple story, but if you could hear the music and love behind the lame words... I'll never forget the experience, and the people who shared it with me.
sandmansister: (Music lover)
It's been too long between substantial posts. Work, faire, life... they all conspire. But until I find brain space to update, I have a story to tell.

You see, I am a very fortunate girl who knows and loves amazing people. Fortunately, most of them return the sentiment and I get to have amazing experiences because of it.

On Friday, April 29th, I got to go to a private, back yard concert by Tish Hinojosa. She's a Latina singer/songwriter and of course, Jimmy was the one who introduced me to her. It's not my usual, but he taught me to appreciate the simple, true-to-life stories and heartfelt Tejana style.



He's been gone since February of 2004, but as Leslie so rightly pointed out, he still throws a great party. Here's the back-story:

Jimmy purchased the domain name "Tish.com" to put up a fan site, but never felt his offerings were worthy of publishing on the interwebs (as if!). So when it came up for renewal, someone else wanted to purchase it. Judy (Jimmy's mom) received the request and didn't feel right about letting it go without notifying Tish first.

Judy reached out through Tish's Web site and received a reply back. Of course she remembered Jimmy; he came to every Dallas show and always had a doll from his travels for her daughter. Tish was very upset to hear of his passing, and honored to know that A Song for the Journey was the closing song played at his memorial. She was going to be in Texas at the end of April and offered a private concert for Jimmy's friends.

I wish I had words for the experience. I am still processing the mix of emotions. The music was perfection - Texas songs under the stars on a warm Spring evening. Candle light. Good beer. Dear friends, and the notable absence of the one who brought us together.

It's so fitting that a performer on Tish's level remembers Jimmy. His passion for music (and, really, all of life) made him shine so brightly. What a wonderful confirmation for us who know and love him—yes, present tense usage is intentional—to realize that his special way of interacting with the world was noticeable and memorable to someone who meets so many people across the world.



Then there were the reunions. I haven't seen Jo since... Lordy, I don't know when. His memorial, maybe? That's a damn shame. But the hugs and laughter picked up as if no time had passed. I'd seen Shawn once or twice and we've kept in touch online, but I couldn't stop hugging him! I got lost in the hug, in fact. Time stopped and I cried. Sorrow of loss? Joy of reuniting? Both.

Chris, too. I will never forget the Von Ehrics show right after Jimmy died. It was my birthday and I decided to drown sorrows in a rockabilly show, not knowing my beloved Chris was the drummer. We couldn't stop hugging that night, either. Just a couple of schmoobly idiots grinning and snuggling in the middle of a mosh pit.

And let's not get started on his sister Carol. She hasn't changed one iota. It's unnatural. Jo & I agreed that she's luring virgins and sacrificing them in her basement. She just giggled and smiled. Wicked creature (and I love her for it)!








That night was also the first Red Star Reunion. See, Lesa & Leslie adopted a star for Jimmy. It rises on his birthday and is high overhead when he left us. They got star tattoos (in red, because if Jimmy were a color it would be passionate and vibrant red) to commemorate. Shawn did, too. And later, Judy & I joined the ranks.



It sounds like a pretty simple story, but if you could hear the music and love behind the lame words... I'll never forget the experience, and the people who shared it with me.
sandmansister: (Music lover)
It's been too long between substantial posts. Work, faire, life... they all conspire. But until I find brain space to update, I have a story to tell.

You see, I am a very fortunate girl who knows and loves amazing people. Fortunately, most of them return the sentiment and I get to have amazing experiences because of it.

On Friday, April 29th, I got to go to a private, back yard concert by Tish Hinojosa. She's a Latina singer/songwriter and of course, Jimmy was the one who introduced me to her. It's not my usual, but he taught me to appreciate the simple, true-to-life stories and heartfelt Tejana style.



He's been gone since February of 2004, but as Leslie so rightly pointed out, he still throws a great party. Here's the back-story:

Jimmy purchased the domain name "Tish.com" to put up a fan site, but never felt his offerings were worthy of publishing on the interwebs (as if!). So when it came up for renewal, someone else wanted to purchase it. Judy (Jimmy's mom) received the request and didn't feel right about letting it go without notifying Tish first.

Judy reached out through Tish's Web site and received a reply back. Of course she remembered Jimmy; he came to every Dallas show and always had a doll from his travels for her daughter. Tish was very upset to hear of his passing, and honored to know that A Song for the Journey was the closing song played at his memorial. She was going to be in Texas at the end of April and offered a private concert for Jimmy's friends.

I wish I had words for the experience. I am still processing the mix of emotions. The music was perfection - Texas songs under the stars on a warm Spring evening. Candle light. Good beer. Dear friends, and the notable absence of the one who brought us together.

It's so fitting that a performer on Tish's level remembers Jimmy. His passion for music (and, really, all of life) made him shine so brightly. What a wonderful confirmation for us who know and love him—yes, present tense usage is intentional—to realize that his special way of interacting with the world was noticeable and memorable to someone who meets so many people across the world.



Then there were the reunions. I haven't seen Jo since... Lordy, I don't know when. His memorial, maybe? That's a damn shame. But the hugs and laughter picked up as if no time had passed. I'd seen Shawn once or twice and we've kept in touch online, but I couldn't stop hugging him! I got lost in the hug, in fact. Time stopped and I cried. Sorrow of loss? Joy of reuniting? Both.

Chris, too. I will never forget the Von Ehrics show right after Jimmy died. It was my birthday and I decided to drown sorrows in a rockabilly show, not knowing my beloved Chris was the drummer. We couldn't stop hugging that night, either. Just a couple of schmoobly idiots grinning and snuggling in the middle of a mosh pit.

And let's not get started on his sister Carol. She hasn't changed one iota. It's unnatural. Jo & I agreed that she's luring virgins and sacrificing them in her basement. She just giggled and smiled. Wicked creature (and I love her for it)!








That night was also the first Red Star Reunion. See, Lesa & Leslie adopted a star for Jimmy. It rises on his birthday and is high overhead when he left us. They got star tattoos (in red, because if Jimmy were a color it would be passionate and vibrant red) to commemorate. Shawn did, too. And later, Judy & I joined the ranks.



It sounds like a pretty simple story, but if you could hear the music and love behind the lame words... I'll never forget the experience, and the people who shared it with me.
sandmansister: (BtVS - Hard on themselves)
Great lyric, but I'm not sure it's true.

Lest anyone worry, there are no deep ends in my immediate vicinity; I'm nowhere near going off one. I just have a surfeit of emotion going on lately and need to wrap my brain/heart around it. For all that I am a passionate creature, I am paradoxically freaked by strong emotion. And as I've come to learn, the things we do to avoid feeling bad tend to leave us far more damaged and worse off than just feeling the badness would.

So in no particular order, I am going to purge the things that are making me crazy/sad/mad/hurt/crazy-oh-wait-I-
already-said-crazy:

  • My job. Didn't even get in 20 hours this week due to administrivia fubar. I'll get paid next week and it will be more than unemployment, but not much. Also, just dealing with change of working from home and trying to develop a routine that won't be so routine that it drives me nuts, but provides the structure I need to be a productive and health-seeking member of society.

  • My job. Again. Apparently in order to get the contract, the company had to make some cuts, which is why I'm getting $3/hr less. But at least as a team lead I am budgeted for 40 hrs/wk for the whole project. Senior IDs? Not so much. I don't like that this was a surprise to them and my project manager. Feels shady, and I don't want to lose good people because of it. I'm already one person short on my team. Project manager is appropriately appalled and working on a fix, but... meh.

  • Being a girl. This is one of those times when I distinctly don't enjoy being a girl. Stupid hormones. Stupid hormones triggering headaches.

  • Jimmy. It was 5 years ago Tuesday that he left us. We're all healing from the loss, but there are still scars and a Jimmy-shaped hole in my heart. It's not crippling or debilitating anymore, but I just plain love and miss my friend.

  • My birthday. Usually, I love any reason to celebrate. I think that any reason to be happy, we should grab and and milk it for all it's worth. Except that I am totally Meh about my birthday this year. I don't mind getting older (for the most part); having a brush with my mortality last year makes it very clear that it's far superior to the alternative. However, I had an idea for a low-key but fun celebration—a slumber party for a few of my favorite girls to relax and be silly together. Except the NBA All-Star game is in Dallas this year and there's nary a hotel room to be found. And it's the only date folks could find to have a baby shower for some dear friends. And SAPA orientation. And stuff. It just makes me a little pouty that my day got co-opted by everyone else's life. I get it, and don't begrudge anyone anything. But there's some pout nonetheless, and I am just Meh about the whole birthday thing.


    OK, I *might* get out of this funk and go to Panoptikon tonight... weather and 'splody head permitting. But Meh anyway.

  • My car. Got a flat earlier this week. Need to get tire fixed; hoping it can be fixed. Dreading to hear, "you need all new tires or you're gonna DIE!" (See aforementioned comment about lack of hours this week.) I know, I know. It's dumb to borrow trouble when I don't know the answer. My brain is clever enough to realize that; organs south of the brain aren't nearly clever enough.

  • My computer. Laptop took a little tumble from the couch to the tile floor. It's OK, but the power cable? Not so much. Or to be more specific, the spot where it plugs in is a little bent and can't connect to stay charged. And because I am dumb, the spreadsheet I need to finish my taxes and get my refund (about $500) is on the desktop on the broken laptop. Gnar.


  • Really, I guess I could group a lot of those things under Stupid Money as a sub-heading. Things could be (and have been) worse, but it's just one more layer of insecurity in this weird layered parfait of my stress.

    A lot of it, I'm sure, is change-related. Even change for the better is stressful. And I have been feeling a slow but epic shift in the tectonic plates of my life. Exciting? Maybe. Terrifying? Absolutely.

    But for now, it's manifesting as a case of the sads. I hugged on [livejournal.com profile] arbiter_of_cool and let him know I'm a little wobbly and in need of more snugs and cuddles in the days to come. It will pass, of course, but I am trying to feel it instead of bury it. Hopefully this purge will make it a little easier to move through it.
    sandmansister: (BtVS - Hard on themselves)
    Great lyric, but I'm not sure it's true.

    Lest anyone worry, there are no deep ends in my immediate vicinity; I'm nowhere near going off one. I just have a surfeit of emotion going on lately and need to wrap my brain/heart around it. For all that I am a passionate creature, I am paradoxically freaked by strong emotion. And as I've come to learn, the things we do to avoid feeling bad tend to leave us far more damaged and worse off than just feeling the badness would.

    So in no particular order, I am going to purge the things that are making me crazy/sad/mad/hurt/crazy-oh-wait-I-
    already-said-crazy:

  • My job. Didn't even get in 20 hours this week due to administrivia fubar. I'll get paid next week and it will be more than unemployment, but not much. Also, just dealing with change of working from home and trying to develop a routine that won't be so routine that it drives me nuts, but provides the structure I need to be a productive and health-seeking member of society.

  • My job. Again. Apparently in order to get the contract, the company had to make some cuts, which is why I'm getting $3/hr less. But at least as a team lead I am budgeted for 40 hrs/wk for the whole project. Senior IDs? Not so much. I don't like that this was a surprise to them and my project manager. Feels shady, and I don't want to lose good people because of it. I'm already one person short on my team. Project manager is appropriately appalled and working on a fix, but... meh.

  • Being a girl. This is one of those times when I distinctly don't enjoy being a girl. Stupid hormones. Stupid hormones triggering headaches.

  • Jimmy. It was 5 years ago Tuesday that he left us. We're all healing from the loss, but there are still scars and a Jimmy-shaped hole in my heart. It's not crippling or debilitating anymore, but I just plain love and miss my friend.

  • My birthday. Usually, I love any reason to celebrate. I think that any reason to be happy, we should grab and and milk it for all it's worth. Except that I am totally Meh about my birthday this year. I don't mind getting older (for the most part); having a brush with my mortality last year makes it very clear that it's far superior to the alternative. However, I had an idea for a low-key but fun celebration—a slumber party for a few of my favorite girls to relax and be silly together. Except the NBA All-Star game is in Dallas this year and there's nary a hotel room to be found. And it's the only date folks could find to have a baby shower for some dear friends. And SAPA orientation. And stuff. It just makes me a little pouty that my day got co-opted by everyone else's life. I get it, and don't begrudge anyone anything. But there's some pout nonetheless, and I am just Meh about the whole birthday thing.


    OK, I *might* get out of this funk and go to Panoptikon tonight... weather and 'splody head permitting. But Meh anyway.

  • My car. Got a flat earlier this week. Need to get tire fixed; hoping it can be fixed. Dreading to hear, "you need all new tires or you're gonna DIE!" (See aforementioned comment about lack of hours this week.) I know, I know. It's dumb to borrow trouble when I don't know the answer. My brain is clever enough to realize that; organs south of the brain aren't nearly clever enough.

  • My computer. Laptop took a little tumble from the couch to the tile floor. It's OK, but the power cable? Not so much. Or to be more specific, the spot where it plugs in is a little bent and can't connect to stay charged. And because I am dumb, the spreadsheet I need to finish my taxes and get my refund (about $500) is on the desktop on the broken laptop. Gnar.


  • Really, I guess I could group a lot of those things under Stupid Money as a sub-heading. Things could be (and have been) worse, but it's just one more layer of insecurity in this weird layered parfait of my stress.

    A lot of it, I'm sure, is change-related. Even change for the better is stressful. And I have been feeling a slow but epic shift in the tectonic plates of my life. Exciting? Maybe. Terrifying? Absolutely.

    But for now, it's manifesting as a case of the sads. I hugged on [livejournal.com profile] arbiter_of_cool and let him know I'm a little wobbly and in need of more snugs and cuddles in the days to come. It will pass, of course, but I am trying to feel it instead of bury it. Hopefully this purge will make it a little easier to move through it.
    sandmansister: (BtVS - Hard on themselves)
    Great lyric, but I'm not sure it's true.

    Lest anyone worry, there are no deep ends in my immediate vicinity; I'm nowhere near going off one. I just have a surfeit of emotion going on lately and need to wrap my brain/heart around it. For all that I am a passionate creature, I am paradoxically freaked by strong emotion. And as I've come to learn, the things we do to avoid feeling bad tend to leave us far more damaged and worse off than just feeling the badness would.

    So in no particular order, I am going to purge the things that are making me crazy/sad/mad/hurt/crazy-oh-wait-I-
    already-said-crazy:

  • My job. Didn't even get in 20 hours this week due to administrivia fubar. I'll get paid next week and it will be more than unemployment, but not much. Also, just dealing with change of working from home and trying to develop a routine that won't be so routine that it drives me nuts, but provides the structure I need to be a productive and health-seeking member of society.

  • My job. Again. Apparently in order to get the contract, the company had to make some cuts, which is why I'm getting $3/hr less. But at least as a team lead I am budgeted for 40 hrs/wk for the whole project. Senior IDs? Not so much. I don't like that this was a surprise to them and my project manager. Feels shady, and I don't want to lose good people because of it. I'm already one person short on my team. Project manager is appropriately appalled and working on a fix, but... meh.

  • Being a girl. This is one of those times when I distinctly don't enjoy being a girl. Stupid hormones. Stupid hormones triggering headaches.

  • Jimmy. It was 5 years ago Tuesday that he left us. We're all healing from the loss, but there are still scars and a Jimmy-shaped hole in my heart. It's not crippling or debilitating anymore, but I just plain love and miss my friend.

  • My birthday. Usually, I love any reason to celebrate. I think that any reason to be happy, we should grab and and milk it for all it's worth. Except that I am totally Meh about my birthday this year. I don't mind getting older (for the most part); having a brush with my mortality last year makes it very clear that it's far superior to the alternative. However, I had an idea for a low-key but fun celebration—a slumber party for a few of my favorite girls to relax and be silly together. Except the NBA All-Star game is in Dallas this year and there's nary a hotel room to be found. And it's the only date folks could find to have a baby shower for some dear friends. And SAPA orientation. And stuff. It just makes me a little pouty that my day got co-opted by everyone else's life. I get it, and don't begrudge anyone anything. But there's some pout nonetheless, and I am just Meh about the whole birthday thing.


    OK, I *might* get out of this funk and go to Panoptikon tonight... weather and 'splody head permitting. But Meh anyway.

  • My car. Got a flat earlier this week. Need to get tire fixed; hoping it can be fixed. Dreading to hear, "you need all new tires or you're gonna DIE!" (See aforementioned comment about lack of hours this week.) I know, I know. It's dumb to borrow trouble when I don't know the answer. My brain is clever enough to realize that; organs south of the brain aren't nearly clever enough.

  • My computer. Laptop took a little tumble from the couch to the tile floor. It's OK, but the power cable? Not so much. Or to be more specific, the spot where it plugs in is a little bent and can't connect to stay charged. And because I am dumb, the spreadsheet I need to finish my taxes and get my refund (about $500) is on the desktop on the broken laptop. Gnar.


  • Really, I guess I could group a lot of those things under Stupid Money as a sub-heading. Things could be (and have been) worse, but it's just one more layer of insecurity in this weird layered parfait of my stress.

    A lot of it, I'm sure, is change-related. Even change for the better is stressful. And I have been feeling a slow but epic shift in the tectonic plates of my life. Exciting? Maybe. Terrifying? Absolutely.

    But for now, it's manifesting as a case of the sads. I hugged on [livejournal.com profile] arbiter_of_cool and let him know I'm a little wobbly and in need of more snugs and cuddles in the days to come. It will pass, of course, but I am trying to feel it instead of bury it. Hopefully this purge will make it a little easier to move through it.
    sandmansister: (BtVS - Hard on themselves)
    Great lyric, but I'm not sure it's true.

    Lest anyone worry, there are no deep ends in my immediate vicinity; I'm nowhere near going off one. I just have a surfeit of emotion going on lately and need to wrap my brain/heart around it. For all that I am a passionate creature, I am paradoxically freaked by strong emotion. And as I've come to learn, the things we do to avoid feeling bad tend to leave us far more damaged and worse off than just feeling the badness would.

    So in no particular order, I am going to purge the things that are making me crazy/sad/mad/hurt/crazy-oh-wait-I-
    already-said-crazy:

  • My job. Didn't even get in 20 hours this week due to administrivia fubar. I'll get paid next week and it will be more than unemployment, but not much. Also, just dealing with change of working from home and trying to develop a routine that won't be so routine that it drives me nuts, but provides the structure I need to be a productive and health-seeking member of society.

  • My job. Again. Apparently in order to get the contract, the company had to make some cuts, which is why I'm getting $3/hr less. But at least as a team lead I am budgeted for 40 hrs/wk for the whole project. Senior IDs? Not so much. I don't like that this was a surprise to them and my project manager. Feels shady, and I don't want to lose good people because of it. I'm already one person short on my team. Project manager is appropriately appalled and working on a fix, but... meh.

  • Being a girl. This is one of those times when I distinctly don't enjoy being a girl. Stupid hormones. Stupid hormones triggering headaches.

  • Jimmy. It was 5 years ago Tuesday that he left us. We're all healing from the loss, but there are still scars and a Jimmy-shaped hole in my heart. It's not crippling or debilitating anymore, but I just plain love and miss my friend.

  • My birthday. Usually, I love any reason to celebrate. I think that any reason to be happy, we should grab and and milk it for all it's worth. Except that I am totally Meh about my birthday this year. I don't mind getting older (for the most part); having a brush with my mortality last year makes it very clear that it's far superior to the alternative. However, I had an idea for a low-key but fun celebration—a slumber party for a few of my favorite girls to relax and be silly together. Except the NBA All-Star game is in Dallas this year and there's nary a hotel room to be found. And it's the only date folks could find to have a baby shower for some dear friends. And SAPA orientation. And stuff. It just makes me a little pouty that my day got co-opted by everyone else's life. I get it, and don't begrudge anyone anything. But there's some pout nonetheless, and I am just Meh about the whole birthday thing.


    OK, I *might* get out of this funk and go to Panoptikon tonight... weather and 'splody head permitting. But Meh anyway.

  • My car. Got a flat earlier this week. Need to get tire fixed; hoping it can be fixed. Dreading to hear, "you need all new tires or you're gonna DIE!" (See aforementioned comment about lack of hours this week.) I know, I know. It's dumb to borrow trouble when I don't know the answer. My brain is clever enough to realize that; organs south of the brain aren't nearly clever enough.

  • My computer. Laptop took a little tumble from the couch to the tile floor. It's OK, but the power cable? Not so much. Or to be more specific, the spot where it plugs in is a little bent and can't connect to stay charged. And because I am dumb, the spreadsheet I need to finish my taxes and get my refund (about $500) is on the desktop on the broken laptop. Gnar.


  • Really, I guess I could group a lot of those things under Stupid Money as a sub-heading. Things could be (and have been) worse, but it's just one more layer of insecurity in this weird layered parfait of my stress.

    A lot of it, I'm sure, is change-related. Even change for the better is stressful. And I have been feeling a slow but epic shift in the tectonic plates of my life. Exciting? Maybe. Terrifying? Absolutely.

    But for now, it's manifesting as a case of the sads. I hugged on [livejournal.com profile] arbiter_of_cool and let him know I'm a little wobbly and in need of more snugs and cuddles in the days to come. It will pass, of course, but I am trying to feel it instead of bury it. Hopefully this purge will make it a little easier to move through it.
    sandmansister: (Celtic - tree)
    So… work blocked LJ again and it looks like this time it's personal. Unfortunately, LJgate is "temporary unavailable" according to their site. And I can't seem to find an app for my phone since it's not a nifty iPhone (or -esque) type gadget. *le sigh*

    Until I find a solution, I will do my best to keep up with you, my virtual tribe. I miss you all collectively and many of you individually and up close and personally… more than you may ever know.

    All that aside, my world is chugging right along. Took my first vacation of substance (i.e., more than a long weekend) in… gosh, I haven't a clue how long. At least 5 years, probably more. [livejournal.com profile] arbiter_of_cool and I took Rondo Calrissian on its first cross-country road trip home to Michigan. Short version? Beautiful. Bittersweet. Relaxing.

    Long version? Read on, MacDuff! )

    So our first road trip and impromptu celebration of 3 years together is done: 3,500 miles over 7 states to see 3 Great Lakes in 11 days and we still like each other. I introduced him to regional food favorites like Vernor's ginger ale and pasties. (He did try my whitefish once, but since fish is generally not his thing… well, all the more for me!)

    However, he sorely tested me come Tuesday morning when he said, "Oh, I took today off, too," and rolled over once again. Bah.

    Since getting home there's been work, more work, laundry, more laundry, MOAR laundry, and a Sunday spent in the studio with QAL. Note to self: never. EVER. listen to raw audio. EVAR! I cooked some, too, since the cold, gray weather invoked my inner Betty Crocker with a vengeance. Plus, it's a nice way to ground myself as I process the experience.

    So how's the world treating all of you in LJ Land? Drop me a line as there's no hope of catching up.



    As ever, oceans of love to one and all.

    P.S. Want pics? Go here.
    sandmansister: (Celtic - tree)
    So… work blocked LJ again and it looks like this time it's personal. Unfortunately, LJgate is "temporary unavailable" according to their site. And I can't seem to find an app for my phone since it's not a nifty iPhone (or -esque) type gadget. *le sigh*

    Until I find a solution, I will do my best to keep up with you, my virtual tribe. I miss you all collectively and many of you individually and up close and personally… more than you may ever know.

    All that aside, my world is chugging right along. Took my first vacation of substance (i.e., more than a long weekend) in… gosh, I haven't a clue how long. At least 5 years, probably more. [livejournal.com profile] arbiter_of_cool and I took Rondo Calrissian on its first cross-country road trip home to Michigan. Short version? Beautiful. Bittersweet. Relaxing.

    Long version? Read on, MacDuff! )

    So our first road trip and impromptu celebration of 3 years together is done: 3,500 miles over 7 states to see 3 Great Lakes in 11 days and we still like each other. I introduced him to regional food favorites like Vernor's ginger ale and pasties. (He did try my whitefish once, but since fish is generally not his thing… well, all the more for me!)

    However, he sorely tested me come Tuesday morning when he said, "Oh, I took today off, too," and rolled over once again. Bah.

    Since getting home there's been work, more work, laundry, more laundry, MOAR laundry, and a Sunday spent in the studio with QAL. Note to self: never. EVER. listen to raw audio. EVAR! I cooked some, too, since the cold, gray weather invoked my inner Betty Crocker with a vengeance. Plus, it's a nice way to ground myself as I process the experience.

    So how's the world treating all of you in LJ Land? Drop me a line as there's no hope of catching up.



    As ever, oceans of love to one and all.

    P.S. Want pics? Go here.
    sandmansister: (Celtic - tree)
    So… work blocked LJ again and it looks like this time it's personal. Unfortunately, LJgate is "temporary unavailable" according to their site. And I can't seem to find an app for my phone since it's not a nifty iPhone (or -esque) type gadget. *le sigh*

    Until I find a solution, I will do my best to keep up with you, my virtual tribe. I miss you all collectively and many of you individually and up close and personally… more than you may ever know.

    All that aside, my world is chugging right along. Took my first vacation of substance (i.e., more than a long weekend) in… gosh, I haven't a clue how long. At least 5 years, probably more. [livejournal.com profile] arbiter_of_cool and I took Rondo Calrissian on its first cross-country road trip home to Michigan. Short version? Beautiful. Bittersweet. Relaxing.

    Long version? Read on, MacDuff! )

    So our first road trip and impromptu celebration of 3 years together is done: 3,500 miles over 7 states to see 3 Great Lakes in 11 days and we still like each other. I introduced him to regional food favorites like Vernor's ginger ale and pasties. (He did try my whitefish once, but since fish is generally not his thing… well, all the more for me!)

    However, he sorely tested me come Tuesday morning when he said, "Oh, I took today off, too," and rolled over once again. Bah.

    Since getting home there's been work, more work, laundry, more laundry, MOAR laundry, and a Sunday spent in the studio with QAL. Note to self: never. EVER. listen to raw audio. EVAR! I cooked some, too, since the cold, gray weather invoked my inner Betty Crocker with a vengeance. Plus, it's a nice way to ground myself as I process the experience.

    So how's the world treating all of you in LJ Land? Drop me a line as there's no hope of catching up.



    As ever, oceans of love to one and all.

    P.S. Want pics? Go here.
    sandmansister: (Celtic - tree)
    So… work blocked LJ again and it looks like this time it's personal. Unfortunately, LJgate is "temporary unavailable" according to their site. And I can't seem to find an app for my phone since it's not a nifty iPhone (or -esque) type gadget. *le sigh*

    Until I find a solution, I will do my best to keep up with you, my virtual tribe. I miss you all collectively and many of you individually and up close and personally… more than you may ever know.

    All that aside, my world is chugging right along. Took my first vacation of substance (i.e., more than a long weekend) in… gosh, I haven't a clue how long. At least 5 years, probably more. [livejournal.com profile] arbiter_of_cool and I took Rondo Calrissian on its first cross-country road trip home to Michigan. Short version? Beautiful. Bittersweet. Relaxing.

    Long version? Read on, MacDuff! )

    So our first road trip and impromptu celebration of 3 years together is done: 3,500 miles over 7 states to see 3 Great Lakes in 11 days and we still like each other. I introduced him to regional food favorites like Vernor's ginger ale and pasties. (He did try my whitefish once, but since fish is generally not his thing… well, all the more for me!)

    However, he sorely tested me come Tuesday morning when he said, "Oh, I took today off, too," and rolled over once again. Bah.

    Since getting home there's been work, more work, laundry, more laundry, MOAR laundry, and a Sunday spent in the studio with QAL. Note to self: never. EVER. listen to raw audio. EVAR! I cooked some, too, since the cold, gray weather invoked my inner Betty Crocker with a vengeance. Plus, it's a nice way to ground myself as I process the experience.

    So how's the world treating all of you in LJ Land? Drop me a line as there's no hope of catching up.



    As ever, oceans of love to one and all.

    P.S. Want pics? Go here.
    sandmansister: (Real Me)
    Tuesday night was a string of perfect moments, back-to-back-to-back. (I know, I know... when I am Enlightened I will realize that they are *all* perfect, but until I am that smart, I will simply say that I was more aware of the perfection of Tuesday.)

    Met with MomJudy and two new friends—L & L—who worked with Jimmy at the CD store. Those of you at his memorial may remember them as those who dedicated a star to him. (It rises on his birthday and is high overhead on the day he left us.) To continue the symbolism and further honor his memory, we got red star tattoos ('cuz if he were a color he would certainly be red). Ogie already had one, as did L & L, so Judy and I make 5. (We should totally form a punk band: Red Star Quintet.)

    Caleb at Saints and Sinners did the honors. They have a new location in Oak Cliff's Bishop Arts District (♥ that area!), so there was quick window shopping of funkiness before heading down the street to The Quinn to toast the occasion... and seal the bond of friendships old and new.

    As we said to Ogie... aaaaah, the smell of fresh ink wafting over a Guinness...

    We relaxed on the patio, sharing memories and stories and basking in the mutual love of our sweetest friend. MomJudy was right... he would love that we're still close, and that he's brought even more people together.

    I knew the Powers That Be smiled upon us when most of the patio patrons had cleared out, but one lone girl apppeared. She couldn't help but overhear the conversation, and commented that we were having a great girls' night out. We asked her to join us, and when she asked about the occasion we shared the story, including the date of his birth... which just happens to be hers, too. It felt like a benediction, grace from the great unknown.

    "Forever" was queued on my CD player when I reluctantly got in the car to head home. I opened the moon roof and sang along at the top of my lungs. Something about that song in that moment felt perfect, though I couldn't decide if I was singing to Jimmy, or he was singing to me. There were things I'd want to tell him in those lyrics, but certain other parts rang true as things he would say to me.

    No matter... we communed on some level in our spirits then. And it was perfection (the kind that may or may not have included commingled tears of joy and sorrow).

    Forever
    ~ Bruderschaft

    I don't believe in the existence of mercy's guiding hand...
    Not with all that I have witnessed, I cannot understand.
    Forever burdened with the knowledge that I could have been so much more
    When the truth is hard to suffer, I knew this all before.

    There is no comfort in faith, the heavens still will fall.
    A thousand towers rise before me and I cannot climb them all.
    There is no kind of joy in this, there is no time that it can heal,
    When emptiness enshadows bliss, there is nothing left to feel.

    I have not abandoned hope, though I know there's nothing more.
    Tired and alone, you forget what you hoped for.

    I will walk this ground forever
    and stand guard against your name.
    I will give all I can offer,
    I will shoulder all the blame.
    I am sentry to you now,
    all your hopes and all your dreams.
    I will hold you to the light,
    that's what forever means.

    I was never what you wanted, I could never never please.
    I swallowed all our sorrow in the midst of my disease.
    All my fortunes, all my gains, all the battles I have won...
    Now collapsing like the rain, I stand alone, your only son...

    Take some solace in these words, take notice of this place.
    Hollow whispers that they are, like the wind upon my face.
    Sing softly in my ear and look at me with wonder.
    I will try to ease your fear as the darkness pulls you under.

    I will walk this ground forever
    and stand guard against your name.
    I will give all I can offer,
    I will shoulder all the blame.
    I am sentry to you now,
    all your hopes and all your dreams.
    I will hold you to the light,
    that's what forever means.
    sandmansister: (Real Me)
    Tuesday night was a string of perfect moments, back-to-back-to-back. (I know, I know... when I am Enlightened I will realize that they are *all* perfect, but until I am that smart, I will simply say that I was more aware of the perfection of Tuesday.)

    Met with MomJudy and two new friends—L & L—who worked with Jimmy at the CD store. Those of you at his memorial may remember them as those who dedicated a star to him. (It rises on his birthday and is high overhead on the day he left us.) To continue the symbolism and further honor his memory, we got red star tattoos ('cuz if he were a color he would certainly be red). Ogie already had one, as did L & L, so Judy and I make 5. (We should totally form a punk band: Red Star Quintet.)

    Caleb at Saints and Sinners did the honors. They have a new location in Oak Cliff's Bishop Arts District (♥ that area!), so there was quick window shopping of funkiness before heading down the street to The Quinn to toast the occasion... and seal the bond of friendships old and new.

    As we said to Ogie... aaaaah, the smell of fresh ink wafting over a Guinness...

    We relaxed on the patio, sharing memories and stories and basking in the mutual love of our sweetest friend. MomJudy was right... he would love that we're still close, and that he's brought even more people together.

    I knew the Powers That Be smiled upon us when most of the patio patrons had cleared out, but one lone girl apppeared. She couldn't help but overhear the conversation, and commented that we were having a great girls' night out. We asked her to join us, and when she asked about the occasion we shared the story, including the date of his birth... which just happens to be hers, too. It felt like a benediction, grace from the great unknown.

    "Forever" was queued on my CD player when I reluctantly got in the car to head home. I opened the moon roof and sang along at the top of my lungs. Something about that song in that moment felt perfect, though I couldn't decide if I was singing to Jimmy, or he was singing to me. There were things I'd want to tell him in those lyrics, but certain other parts rang true as things he would say to me.

    No matter... we communed on some level in our spirits then. And it was perfection (the kind that may or may not have included commingled tears of joy and sorrow).

    Forever
    ~ Bruderschaft

    I don't believe in the existence of mercy's guiding hand...
    Not with all that I have witnessed, I cannot understand.
    Forever burdened with the knowledge that I could have been so much more
    When the truth is hard to suffer, I knew this all before.

    There is no comfort in faith, the heavens still will fall.
    A thousand towers rise before me and I cannot climb them all.
    There is no kind of joy in this, there is no time that it can heal,
    When emptiness enshadows bliss, there is nothing left to feel.

    I have not abandoned hope, though I know there's nothing more.
    Tired and alone, you forget what you hoped for.

    I will walk this ground forever
    and stand guard against your name.
    I will give all I can offer,
    I will shoulder all the blame.
    I am sentry to you now,
    all your hopes and all your dreams.
    I will hold you to the light,
    that's what forever means.

    I was never what you wanted, I could never never please.
    I swallowed all our sorrow in the midst of my disease.
    All my fortunes, all my gains, all the battles I have won...
    Now collapsing like the rain, I stand alone, your only son...

    Take some solace in these words, take notice of this place.
    Hollow whispers that they are, like the wind upon my face.
    Sing softly in my ear and look at me with wonder.
    I will try to ease your fear as the darkness pulls you under.

    I will walk this ground forever
    and stand guard against your name.
    I will give all I can offer,
    I will shoulder all the blame.
    I am sentry to you now,
    all your hopes and all your dreams.
    I will hold you to the light,
    that's what forever means.
    sandmansister: (Real Me)
    Tuesday night was a string of perfect moments, back-to-back-to-back. (I know, I know... when I am Enlightened I will realize that they are *all* perfect, but until I am that smart, I will simply say that I was more aware of the perfection of Tuesday.)

    Met with MomJudy and two new friends—L & L—who worked with Jimmy at the CD store. Those of you at his memorial may remember them as those who dedicated a star to him. (It rises on his birthday and is high overhead on the day he left us.) To continue the symbolism and further honor his memory, we got red star tattoos ('cuz if he were a color he would certainly be red). Ogie already had one, as did L & L, so Judy and I make 5. (We should totally form a punk band: Red Star Quintet.)

    Caleb at Saints and Sinners did the honors. They have a new location in Oak Cliff's Bishop Arts District (♥ that area!), so there was quick window shopping of funkiness before heading down the street to The Quinn to toast the occasion... and seal the bond of friendships old and new.

    As we said to Ogie... aaaaah, the smell of fresh ink wafting over a Guinness...

    We relaxed on the patio, sharing memories and stories and basking in the mutual love of our sweetest friend. MomJudy was right... he would love that we're still close, and that he's brought even more people together.

    I knew the Powers That Be smiled upon us when most of the patio patrons had cleared out, but one lone girl apppeared. She couldn't help but overhear the conversation, and commented that we were having a great girls' night out. We asked her to join us, and when she asked about the occasion we shared the story, including the date of his birth... which just happens to be hers, too. It felt like a benediction, grace from the great unknown.

    "Forever" was queued on my CD player when I reluctantly got in the car to head home. I opened the moon roof and sang along at the top of my lungs. Something about that song in that moment felt perfect, though I couldn't decide if I was singing to Jimmy, or he was singing to me. There were things I'd want to tell him in those lyrics, but certain other parts rang true as things he would say to me.

    No matter... we communed on some level in our spirits then. And it was perfection (the kind that may or may not have included commingled tears of joy and sorrow).

    Forever
    ~ Bruderschaft

    I don't believe in the existence of mercy's guiding hand...
    Not with all that I have witnessed, I cannot understand.
    Forever burdened with the knowledge that I could have been so much more
    When the truth is hard to suffer, I knew this all before.

    There is no comfort in faith, the heavens still will fall.
    A thousand towers rise before me and I cannot climb them all.
    There is no kind of joy in this, there is no time that it can heal,
    When emptiness enshadows bliss, there is nothing left to feel.

    I have not abandoned hope, though I know there's nothing more.
    Tired and alone, you forget what you hoped for.

    I will walk this ground forever
    and stand guard against your name.
    I will give all I can offer,
    I will shoulder all the blame.
    I am sentry to you now,
    all your hopes and all your dreams.
    I will hold you to the light,
    that's what forever means.

    I was never what you wanted, I could never never please.
    I swallowed all our sorrow in the midst of my disease.
    All my fortunes, all my gains, all the battles I have won...
    Now collapsing like the rain, I stand alone, your only son...

    Take some solace in these words, take notice of this place.
    Hollow whispers that they are, like the wind upon my face.
    Sing softly in my ear and look at me with wonder.
    I will try to ease your fear as the darkness pulls you under.

    I will walk this ground forever
    and stand guard against your name.
    I will give all I can offer,
    I will shoulder all the blame.
    I am sentry to you now,
    all your hopes and all your dreams.
    I will hold you to the light,
    that's what forever means.
    sandmansister: (Real Me)
    Tuesday night was a string of perfect moments, back-to-back-to-back. (I know, I know... when I am Enlightened I will realize that they are *all* perfect, but until I am that smart, I will simply say that I was more aware of the perfection of Tuesday.)

    Met with MomJudy and two new friends—L & L—who worked with Jimmy at the CD store. Those of you at his memorial may remember them as those who dedicated a star to him. (It rises on his birthday and is high overhead on the day he left us.) To continue the symbolism and further honor his memory, we got red star tattoos ('cuz if he were a color he would certainly be red). Ogie already had one, as did L & L, so Judy and I make 5. (We should totally form a punk band: Red Star Quintet.)

    Caleb at Saints and Sinners did the honors. They have a new location in Oak Cliff's Bishop Arts District (♥ that area!), so there was quick window shopping of funkiness before heading down the street to The Quinn to toast the occasion... and seal the bond of friendships old and new.

    As we said to Ogie... aaaaah, the smell of fresh ink wafting over a Guinness...

    We relaxed on the patio, sharing memories and stories and basking in the mutual love of our sweetest friend. MomJudy was right... he would love that we're still close, and that he's brought even more people together.

    I knew the Powers That Be smiled upon us when most of the patio patrons had cleared out, but one lone girl apppeared. She couldn't help but overhear the conversation, and commented that we were having a great girls' night out. We asked her to join us, and when she asked about the occasion we shared the story, including the date of his birth... which just happens to be hers, too. It felt like a benediction, grace from the great unknown.

    "Forever" was queued on my CD player when I reluctantly got in the car to head home. I opened the moon roof and sang along at the top of my lungs. Something about that song in that moment felt perfect, though I couldn't decide if I was singing to Jimmy, or he was singing to me. There were things I'd want to tell him in those lyrics, but certain other parts rang true as things he would say to me.

    No matter... we communed on some level in our spirits then. And it was perfection (the kind that may or may not have included commingled tears of joy and sorrow).

    Forever
    ~ Bruderschaft

    I don't believe in the existence of mercy's guiding hand...
    Not with all that I have witnessed, I cannot understand.
    Forever burdened with the knowledge that I could have been so much more
    When the truth is hard to suffer, I knew this all before.

    There is no comfort in faith, the heavens still will fall.
    A thousand towers rise before me and I cannot climb them all.
    There is no kind of joy in this, there is no time that it can heal,
    When emptiness enshadows bliss, there is nothing left to feel.

    I have not abandoned hope, though I know there's nothing more.
    Tired and alone, you forget what you hoped for.

    I will walk this ground forever
    and stand guard against your name.
    I will give all I can offer,
    I will shoulder all the blame.
    I am sentry to you now,
    all your hopes and all your dreams.
    I will hold you to the light,
    that's what forever means.

    I was never what you wanted, I could never never please.
    I swallowed all our sorrow in the midst of my disease.
    All my fortunes, all my gains, all the battles I have won...
    Now collapsing like the rain, I stand alone, your only son...

    Take some solace in these words, take notice of this place.
    Hollow whispers that they are, like the wind upon my face.
    Sing softly in my ear and look at me with wonder.
    I will try to ease your fear as the darkness pulls you under.

    I will walk this ground forever
    and stand guard against your name.
    I will give all I can offer,
    I will shoulder all the blame.
    I am sentry to you now,
    all your hopes and all your dreams.
    I will hold you to the light,
    that's what forever means.
    sandmansister: (Lost Hug)
    This song always reminds me of Jimmy. Most of the time, I love the random shuffle feature of my MP3 player. Sometimes it blindsides me.

    It was an early morning phone call December
    That got my attention
    They called to tell me that you were gone
    You were the strength of all my hopes and inspirations
    You were the music in my song

    Sometimes what doesn't seem so fair
    That's what makes us more aware

    I know you're smiling
    I know you're singing, I know that you're in a better place
    Where angels wings caress you
    But I still miss you

    More than leaves are falling this October
    It's just that I wanted to stand with you for awhile
    Now I'm walking through a doorway to tomorrow
    More like running, running out of time

    Sometimes what doesn't seem so fair
    That's what makes us more aware

    I know you're smiling
    I know you're singing, I know that you're in a better place
    Where angels wings caress you
    But I still miss you



    He was—and is—the music in my song. When I got it right, when I was really in the zone I'd see it all over his face, writ in his whole body. His posture would change, and he'd throw his head back like a paroxysm of ecstasy... and knowing him, it was erotica! I lived to get that kind of visceral reaction... especially from him.

    His pain is over, and for that I am eternally grateful. My broken heart should seem like a small price to pay... but today I am selfish. I want to see the look on his face when we nail "Ave Verum Corpus," or doo-wop our way through "How Do I Love Thee?".

    I want to laugh with and hold my friend again.
    sandmansister: (Lost Hug)
    This song always reminds me of Jimmy. Most of the time, I love the random shuffle feature of my MP3 player. Sometimes it blindsides me.

    It was an early morning phone call December
    That got my attention
    They called to tell me that you were gone
    You were the strength of all my hopes and inspirations
    You were the music in my song

    Sometimes what doesn't seem so fair
    That's what makes us more aware

    I know you're smiling
    I know you're singing, I know that you're in a better place
    Where angels wings caress you
    But I still miss you

    More than leaves are falling this October
    It's just that I wanted to stand with you for awhile
    Now I'm walking through a doorway to tomorrow
    More like running, running out of time

    Sometimes what doesn't seem so fair
    That's what makes us more aware

    I know you're smiling
    I know you're singing, I know that you're in a better place
    Where angels wings caress you
    But I still miss you



    He was—and is—the music in my song. When I got it right, when I was really in the zone I'd see it all over his face, writ in his whole body. His posture would change, and he'd throw his head back like a paroxysm of ecstasy... and knowing him, it was erotica! I lived to get that kind of visceral reaction... especially from him.

    His pain is over, and for that I am eternally grateful. My broken heart should seem like a small price to pay... but today I am selfish. I want to see the look on his face when we nail "Ave Verum Corpus," or doo-wop our way through "How Do I Love Thee?".

    I want to laugh with and hold my friend again.
    sandmansister: (Lost Hug)
    This song always reminds me of Jimmy. Most of the time, I love the random shuffle feature of my MP3 player. Sometimes it blindsides me.

    It was an early morning phone call December
    That got my attention
    They called to tell me that you were gone
    You were the strength of all my hopes and inspirations
    You were the music in my song

    Sometimes what doesn't seem so fair
    That's what makes us more aware

    I know you're smiling
    I know you're singing, I know that you're in a better place
    Where angels wings caress you
    But I still miss you

    More than leaves are falling this October
    It's just that I wanted to stand with you for awhile
    Now I'm walking through a doorway to tomorrow
    More like running, running out of time

    Sometimes what doesn't seem so fair
    That's what makes us more aware

    I know you're smiling
    I know you're singing, I know that you're in a better place
    Where angels wings caress you
    But I still miss you



    He was—and is—the music in my song. When I got it right, when I was really in the zone I'd see it all over his face, writ in his whole body. His posture would change, and he'd throw his head back like a paroxysm of ecstasy... and knowing him, it was erotica! I lived to get that kind of visceral reaction... especially from him.

    His pain is over, and for that I am eternally grateful. My broken heart should seem like a small price to pay... but today I am selfish. I want to see the look on his face when we nail "Ave Verum Corpus," or doo-wop our way through "How Do I Love Thee?".

    I want to laugh with and hold my friend again.

    Caro Jimmy

    Oct. 9th, 2006 09:32 pm
    sandmansister: (Hedwig - Follow my voice)
    Here's today's quote from my daily planner:

    "Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life." - Berthold Auerbach


    Happy birthday Jimmy. I love you forever and a day. Though there will always be a you-shaped hole in my heart, I am richer for having known you.

    May 2015

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