Mixed Nuts

Jan. 1st, 2011 06:16 pm
sandmansister: (Tick - Thinks)
Still in a space where I'm having lots of thinky-thoughts, but can't quite articulate them in writing. I can, however, provide a list of some things of note, items of trivia and suchlike to give a snapshot into my world of late.

  • Spent 6 days at parents' Lake Texoma farm for Christmas. After the craziness of work travel for the two weeks prior, the slow pace was a balm. I didn't even twitch that much without cell phone signal, though the occasional check-in on the interwebz was a challenge given the dial-up situation. All in all, though, it was a relaxing and enjoyable vacation.

  • It's very odd being the lone owl in a family of larks, though as she's gotten older, my mother is beginning to shift over to my schedule a bit more. Then again, it's nice being able to stay up late and read while the whole house is quiet and dark.

  • My sister's new dog, Bug is a so-ugly-she's-cute ball of energy. Poor Scamp (the 11 year old blue heeler) handles her very well. Puppies are good therapy.

  • Panettone Bread Pudding with Amaretto Sauce—so delicious, Mom instantly demanded it to become a new family tradition forevah-evah.

  • Love life's little moments of hilarity:
    Mom: *pointing at my nose stud* Looks like you're gonna lose it.
    Me: Nah, there's a bend in the wire *taking it out to show her* so it stays put.
    Mom: Oh, so when it pops like that does it mean you're done like a turkey?
    Me: *facepalm*

  • Visited the Chickasaw Cultural Center with the family. Such lovely space, and really beautiful/informative exhibits. Sadness, though, that the kitchen ran out of Indian Fry-Bread tacos. *le sigh*

  • While I love getting spontaneous invites to dinner/drinks/etc., I really suck at reciprocating such invites. Maybe because it doesn't occur to me that anyone would want to join me last-minute? I don't know. But I am crap at it, and I'm sorry.

  • I continue to be amazed at my good fortune for the bounty of People of Quality in my world. I am constantly awed by you all, and the things you teach me. Thank you for inspiring me to be a better version of myself every day.

  • Still trying to figure out how best to get my groove back. Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

  • Not much for New Year's Resolutions—they are largely a beat-down—but I think if I just plan to be a more authentic version of myself, I can live up to that.

    I feel like there's more to say, but I'll be damned if I can figure out what... so... yeah.

    Cheers!
  • Mixed Nuts

    Jan. 1st, 2011 06:16 pm
    sandmansister: (Tick - Thinks)
    Still in a space where I'm having lots of thinky-thoughts, but can't quite articulate them in writing. I can, however, provide a list of some things of note, items of trivia and suchlike to give a snapshot into my world of late.

  • Spent 6 days at parents' Lake Texoma farm for Christmas. After the craziness of work travel for the two weeks prior, the slow pace was a balm. I didn't even twitch that much without cell phone signal, though the occasional check-in on the interwebz was a challenge given the dial-up situation. All in all, though, it was a relaxing and enjoyable vacation.

  • It's very odd being the lone owl in a family of larks, though as she's gotten older, my mother is beginning to shift over to my schedule a bit more. Then again, it's nice being able to stay up late and read while the whole house is quiet and dark.

  • My sister's new dog, Bug is a so-ugly-she's-cute ball of energy. Poor Scamp (the 11 year old blue heeler) handles her very well. Puppies are good therapy.

  • Panettone Bread Pudding with Amaretto Sauce—so delicious, Mom instantly demanded it to become a new family tradition forevah-evah.

  • Love life's little moments of hilarity:
    Mom: *pointing at my nose stud* Looks like you're gonna lose it.
    Me: Nah, there's a bend in the wire *taking it out to show her* so it stays put.
    Mom: Oh, so when it pops like that does it mean you're done like a turkey?
    Me: *facepalm*

  • Visited the Chickasaw Cultural Center with the family. Such lovely space, and really beautiful/informative exhibits. Sadness, though, that the kitchen ran out of Indian Fry-Bread tacos. *le sigh*

  • While I love getting spontaneous invites to dinner/drinks/etc., I really suck at reciprocating such invites. Maybe because it doesn't occur to me that anyone would want to join me last-minute? I don't know. But I am crap at it, and I'm sorry.

  • I continue to be amazed at my good fortune for the bounty of People of Quality in my world. I am constantly awed by you all, and the things you teach me. Thank you for inspiring me to be a better version of myself every day.

  • Still trying to figure out how best to get my groove back. Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

  • Not much for New Year's Resolutions—they are largely a beat-down—but I think if I just plan to be a more authentic version of myself, I can live up to that.

    I feel like there's more to say, but I'll be damned if I can figure out what... so... yeah.

    Cheers!
  • Mixed Nuts

    Jan. 1st, 2011 06:16 pm
    sandmansister: (Tick - Thinks)
    Still in a space where I'm having lots of thinky-thoughts, but can't quite articulate them in writing. I can, however, provide a list of some things of note, items of trivia and suchlike to give a snapshot into my world of late.

  • Spent 6 days at parents' Lake Texoma farm for Christmas. After the craziness of work travel for the two weeks prior, the slow pace was a balm. I didn't even twitch that much without cell phone signal, though the occasional check-in on the interwebz was a challenge given the dial-up situation. All in all, though, it was a relaxing and enjoyable vacation.

  • It's very odd being the lone owl in a family of larks, though as she's gotten older, my mother is beginning to shift over to my schedule a bit more. Then again, it's nice being able to stay up late and read while the whole house is quiet and dark.

  • My sister's new dog, Bug is a so-ugly-she's-cute ball of energy. Poor Scamp (the 11 year old blue heeler) handles her very well. Puppies are good therapy.

  • Panettone Bread Pudding with Amaretto Sauce—so delicious, Mom instantly demanded it to become a new family tradition forevah-evah.

  • Love life's little moments of hilarity:
    Mom: *pointing at my nose stud* Looks like you're gonna lose it.
    Me: Nah, there's a bend in the wire *taking it out to show her* so it stays put.
    Mom: Oh, so when it pops like that does it mean you're done like a turkey?
    Me: *facepalm*

  • Visited the Chickasaw Cultural Center with the family. Such lovely space, and really beautiful/informative exhibits. Sadness, though, that the kitchen ran out of Indian Fry-Bread tacos. *le sigh*

  • While I love getting spontaneous invites to dinner/drinks/etc., I really suck at reciprocating such invites. Maybe because it doesn't occur to me that anyone would want to join me last-minute? I don't know. But I am crap at it, and I'm sorry.

  • I continue to be amazed at my good fortune for the bounty of People of Quality in my world. I am constantly awed by you all, and the things you teach me. Thank you for inspiring me to be a better version of myself every day.

  • Still trying to figure out how best to get my groove back. Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

  • Not much for New Year's Resolutions—they are largely a beat-down—but I think if I just plan to be a more authentic version of myself, I can live up to that.

    I feel like there's more to say, but I'll be damned if I can figure out what... so... yeah.

    Cheers!
  • Mixed Nuts

    Jan. 1st, 2011 06:16 pm
    sandmansister: (Tick - Thinks)
    Still in a space where I'm having lots of thinky-thoughts, but can't quite articulate them in writing. I can, however, provide a list of some things of note, items of trivia and suchlike to give a snapshot into my world of late.

  • Spent 6 days at parents' Lake Texoma farm for Christmas. After the craziness of work travel for the two weeks prior, the slow pace was a balm. I didn't even twitch that much without cell phone signal, though the occasional check-in on the interwebz was a challenge given the dial-up situation. All in all, though, it was a relaxing and enjoyable vacation.

  • It's very odd being the lone owl in a family of larks, though as she's gotten older, my mother is beginning to shift over to my schedule a bit more. Then again, it's nice being able to stay up late and read while the whole house is quiet and dark.

  • My sister's new dog, Bug is a so-ugly-she's-cute ball of energy. Poor Scamp (the 11 year old blue heeler) handles her very well. Puppies are good therapy.

  • Panettone Bread Pudding with Amaretto Sauce—so delicious, Mom instantly demanded it to become a new family tradition forevah-evah.

  • Love life's little moments of hilarity:
    Mom: *pointing at my nose stud* Looks like you're gonna lose it.
    Me: Nah, there's a bend in the wire *taking it out to show her* so it stays put.
    Mom: Oh, so when it pops like that does it mean you're done like a turkey?
    Me: *facepalm*

  • Visited the Chickasaw Cultural Center with the family. Such lovely space, and really beautiful/informative exhibits. Sadness, though, that the kitchen ran out of Indian Fry-Bread tacos. *le sigh*

  • While I love getting spontaneous invites to dinner/drinks/etc., I really suck at reciprocating such invites. Maybe because it doesn't occur to me that anyone would want to join me last-minute? I don't know. But I am crap at it, and I'm sorry.

  • I continue to be amazed at my good fortune for the bounty of People of Quality in my world. I am constantly awed by you all, and the things you teach me. Thank you for inspiring me to be a better version of myself every day.

  • Still trying to figure out how best to get my groove back. Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

  • Not much for New Year's Resolutions—they are largely a beat-down—but I think if I just plan to be a more authentic version of myself, I can live up to that.

    I feel like there's more to say, but I'll be damned if I can figure out what... so... yeah.

    Cheers!
  • sandmansister: (BtVS - Hard on themselves)
    Great lyric, but I'm not sure it's true.

    Lest anyone worry, there are no deep ends in my immediate vicinity; I'm nowhere near going off one. I just have a surfeit of emotion going on lately and need to wrap my brain/heart around it. For all that I am a passionate creature, I am paradoxically freaked by strong emotion. And as I've come to learn, the things we do to avoid feeling bad tend to leave us far more damaged and worse off than just feeling the badness would.

    So in no particular order, I am going to purge the things that are making me crazy/sad/mad/hurt/crazy-oh-wait-I-
    already-said-crazy:

  • My job. Didn't even get in 20 hours this week due to administrivia fubar. I'll get paid next week and it will be more than unemployment, but not much. Also, just dealing with change of working from home and trying to develop a routine that won't be so routine that it drives me nuts, but provides the structure I need to be a productive and health-seeking member of society.

  • My job. Again. Apparently in order to get the contract, the company had to make some cuts, which is why I'm getting $3/hr less. But at least as a team lead I am budgeted for 40 hrs/wk for the whole project. Senior IDs? Not so much. I don't like that this was a surprise to them and my project manager. Feels shady, and I don't want to lose good people because of it. I'm already one person short on my team. Project manager is appropriately appalled and working on a fix, but... meh.

  • Being a girl. This is one of those times when I distinctly don't enjoy being a girl. Stupid hormones. Stupid hormones triggering headaches.

  • Jimmy. It was 5 years ago Tuesday that he left us. We're all healing from the loss, but there are still scars and a Jimmy-shaped hole in my heart. It's not crippling or debilitating anymore, but I just plain love and miss my friend.

  • My birthday. Usually, I love any reason to celebrate. I think that any reason to be happy, we should grab and and milk it for all it's worth. Except that I am totally Meh about my birthday this year. I don't mind getting older (for the most part); having a brush with my mortality last year makes it very clear that it's far superior to the alternative. However, I had an idea for a low-key but fun celebration—a slumber party for a few of my favorite girls to relax and be silly together. Except the NBA All-Star game is in Dallas this year and there's nary a hotel room to be found. And it's the only date folks could find to have a baby shower for some dear friends. And SAPA orientation. And stuff. It just makes me a little pouty that my day got co-opted by everyone else's life. I get it, and don't begrudge anyone anything. But there's some pout nonetheless, and I am just Meh about the whole birthday thing.


    OK, I *might* get out of this funk and go to Panoptikon tonight... weather and 'splody head permitting. But Meh anyway.

  • My car. Got a flat earlier this week. Need to get tire fixed; hoping it can be fixed. Dreading to hear, "you need all new tires or you're gonna DIE!" (See aforementioned comment about lack of hours this week.) I know, I know. It's dumb to borrow trouble when I don't know the answer. My brain is clever enough to realize that; organs south of the brain aren't nearly clever enough.

  • My computer. Laptop took a little tumble from the couch to the tile floor. It's OK, but the power cable? Not so much. Or to be more specific, the spot where it plugs in is a little bent and can't connect to stay charged. And because I am dumb, the spreadsheet I need to finish my taxes and get my refund (about $500) is on the desktop on the broken laptop. Gnar.


  • Really, I guess I could group a lot of those things under Stupid Money as a sub-heading. Things could be (and have been) worse, but it's just one more layer of insecurity in this weird layered parfait of my stress.

    A lot of it, I'm sure, is change-related. Even change for the better is stressful. And I have been feeling a slow but epic shift in the tectonic plates of my life. Exciting? Maybe. Terrifying? Absolutely.

    But for now, it's manifesting as a case of the sads. I hugged on [livejournal.com profile] arbiter_of_cool and let him know I'm a little wobbly and in need of more snugs and cuddles in the days to come. It will pass, of course, but I am trying to feel it instead of bury it. Hopefully this purge will make it a little easier to move through it.
    sandmansister: (BtVS - Hard on themselves)
    Great lyric, but I'm not sure it's true.

    Lest anyone worry, there are no deep ends in my immediate vicinity; I'm nowhere near going off one. I just have a surfeit of emotion going on lately and need to wrap my brain/heart around it. For all that I am a passionate creature, I am paradoxically freaked by strong emotion. And as I've come to learn, the things we do to avoid feeling bad tend to leave us far more damaged and worse off than just feeling the badness would.

    So in no particular order, I am going to purge the things that are making me crazy/sad/mad/hurt/crazy-oh-wait-I-
    already-said-crazy:

  • My job. Didn't even get in 20 hours this week due to administrivia fubar. I'll get paid next week and it will be more than unemployment, but not much. Also, just dealing with change of working from home and trying to develop a routine that won't be so routine that it drives me nuts, but provides the structure I need to be a productive and health-seeking member of society.

  • My job. Again. Apparently in order to get the contract, the company had to make some cuts, which is why I'm getting $3/hr less. But at least as a team lead I am budgeted for 40 hrs/wk for the whole project. Senior IDs? Not so much. I don't like that this was a surprise to them and my project manager. Feels shady, and I don't want to lose good people because of it. I'm already one person short on my team. Project manager is appropriately appalled and working on a fix, but... meh.

  • Being a girl. This is one of those times when I distinctly don't enjoy being a girl. Stupid hormones. Stupid hormones triggering headaches.

  • Jimmy. It was 5 years ago Tuesday that he left us. We're all healing from the loss, but there are still scars and a Jimmy-shaped hole in my heart. It's not crippling or debilitating anymore, but I just plain love and miss my friend.

  • My birthday. Usually, I love any reason to celebrate. I think that any reason to be happy, we should grab and and milk it for all it's worth. Except that I am totally Meh about my birthday this year. I don't mind getting older (for the most part); having a brush with my mortality last year makes it very clear that it's far superior to the alternative. However, I had an idea for a low-key but fun celebration—a slumber party for a few of my favorite girls to relax and be silly together. Except the NBA All-Star game is in Dallas this year and there's nary a hotel room to be found. And it's the only date folks could find to have a baby shower for some dear friends. And SAPA orientation. And stuff. It just makes me a little pouty that my day got co-opted by everyone else's life. I get it, and don't begrudge anyone anything. But there's some pout nonetheless, and I am just Meh about the whole birthday thing.


    OK, I *might* get out of this funk and go to Panoptikon tonight... weather and 'splody head permitting. But Meh anyway.

  • My car. Got a flat earlier this week. Need to get tire fixed; hoping it can be fixed. Dreading to hear, "you need all new tires or you're gonna DIE!" (See aforementioned comment about lack of hours this week.) I know, I know. It's dumb to borrow trouble when I don't know the answer. My brain is clever enough to realize that; organs south of the brain aren't nearly clever enough.

  • My computer. Laptop took a little tumble from the couch to the tile floor. It's OK, but the power cable? Not so much. Or to be more specific, the spot where it plugs in is a little bent and can't connect to stay charged. And because I am dumb, the spreadsheet I need to finish my taxes and get my refund (about $500) is on the desktop on the broken laptop. Gnar.


  • Really, I guess I could group a lot of those things under Stupid Money as a sub-heading. Things could be (and have been) worse, but it's just one more layer of insecurity in this weird layered parfait of my stress.

    A lot of it, I'm sure, is change-related. Even change for the better is stressful. And I have been feeling a slow but epic shift in the tectonic plates of my life. Exciting? Maybe. Terrifying? Absolutely.

    But for now, it's manifesting as a case of the sads. I hugged on [livejournal.com profile] arbiter_of_cool and let him know I'm a little wobbly and in need of more snugs and cuddles in the days to come. It will pass, of course, but I am trying to feel it instead of bury it. Hopefully this purge will make it a little easier to move through it.
    sandmansister: (BtVS - Hard on themselves)
    Great lyric, but I'm not sure it's true.

    Lest anyone worry, there are no deep ends in my immediate vicinity; I'm nowhere near going off one. I just have a surfeit of emotion going on lately and need to wrap my brain/heart around it. For all that I am a passionate creature, I am paradoxically freaked by strong emotion. And as I've come to learn, the things we do to avoid feeling bad tend to leave us far more damaged and worse off than just feeling the badness would.

    So in no particular order, I am going to purge the things that are making me crazy/sad/mad/hurt/crazy-oh-wait-I-
    already-said-crazy:

  • My job. Didn't even get in 20 hours this week due to administrivia fubar. I'll get paid next week and it will be more than unemployment, but not much. Also, just dealing with change of working from home and trying to develop a routine that won't be so routine that it drives me nuts, but provides the structure I need to be a productive and health-seeking member of society.

  • My job. Again. Apparently in order to get the contract, the company had to make some cuts, which is why I'm getting $3/hr less. But at least as a team lead I am budgeted for 40 hrs/wk for the whole project. Senior IDs? Not so much. I don't like that this was a surprise to them and my project manager. Feels shady, and I don't want to lose good people because of it. I'm already one person short on my team. Project manager is appropriately appalled and working on a fix, but... meh.

  • Being a girl. This is one of those times when I distinctly don't enjoy being a girl. Stupid hormones. Stupid hormones triggering headaches.

  • Jimmy. It was 5 years ago Tuesday that he left us. We're all healing from the loss, but there are still scars and a Jimmy-shaped hole in my heart. It's not crippling or debilitating anymore, but I just plain love and miss my friend.

  • My birthday. Usually, I love any reason to celebrate. I think that any reason to be happy, we should grab and and milk it for all it's worth. Except that I am totally Meh about my birthday this year. I don't mind getting older (for the most part); having a brush with my mortality last year makes it very clear that it's far superior to the alternative. However, I had an idea for a low-key but fun celebration—a slumber party for a few of my favorite girls to relax and be silly together. Except the NBA All-Star game is in Dallas this year and there's nary a hotel room to be found. And it's the only date folks could find to have a baby shower for some dear friends. And SAPA orientation. And stuff. It just makes me a little pouty that my day got co-opted by everyone else's life. I get it, and don't begrudge anyone anything. But there's some pout nonetheless, and I am just Meh about the whole birthday thing.


    OK, I *might* get out of this funk and go to Panoptikon tonight... weather and 'splody head permitting. But Meh anyway.

  • My car. Got a flat earlier this week. Need to get tire fixed; hoping it can be fixed. Dreading to hear, "you need all new tires or you're gonna DIE!" (See aforementioned comment about lack of hours this week.) I know, I know. It's dumb to borrow trouble when I don't know the answer. My brain is clever enough to realize that; organs south of the brain aren't nearly clever enough.

  • My computer. Laptop took a little tumble from the couch to the tile floor. It's OK, but the power cable? Not so much. Or to be more specific, the spot where it plugs in is a little bent and can't connect to stay charged. And because I am dumb, the spreadsheet I need to finish my taxes and get my refund (about $500) is on the desktop on the broken laptop. Gnar.


  • Really, I guess I could group a lot of those things under Stupid Money as a sub-heading. Things could be (and have been) worse, but it's just one more layer of insecurity in this weird layered parfait of my stress.

    A lot of it, I'm sure, is change-related. Even change for the better is stressful. And I have been feeling a slow but epic shift in the tectonic plates of my life. Exciting? Maybe. Terrifying? Absolutely.

    But for now, it's manifesting as a case of the sads. I hugged on [livejournal.com profile] arbiter_of_cool and let him know I'm a little wobbly and in need of more snugs and cuddles in the days to come. It will pass, of course, but I am trying to feel it instead of bury it. Hopefully this purge will make it a little easier to move through it.
    sandmansister: (BtVS - Hard on themselves)
    Great lyric, but I'm not sure it's true.

    Lest anyone worry, there are no deep ends in my immediate vicinity; I'm nowhere near going off one. I just have a surfeit of emotion going on lately and need to wrap my brain/heart around it. For all that I am a passionate creature, I am paradoxically freaked by strong emotion. And as I've come to learn, the things we do to avoid feeling bad tend to leave us far more damaged and worse off than just feeling the badness would.

    So in no particular order, I am going to purge the things that are making me crazy/sad/mad/hurt/crazy-oh-wait-I-
    already-said-crazy:

  • My job. Didn't even get in 20 hours this week due to administrivia fubar. I'll get paid next week and it will be more than unemployment, but not much. Also, just dealing with change of working from home and trying to develop a routine that won't be so routine that it drives me nuts, but provides the structure I need to be a productive and health-seeking member of society.

  • My job. Again. Apparently in order to get the contract, the company had to make some cuts, which is why I'm getting $3/hr less. But at least as a team lead I am budgeted for 40 hrs/wk for the whole project. Senior IDs? Not so much. I don't like that this was a surprise to them and my project manager. Feels shady, and I don't want to lose good people because of it. I'm already one person short on my team. Project manager is appropriately appalled and working on a fix, but... meh.

  • Being a girl. This is one of those times when I distinctly don't enjoy being a girl. Stupid hormones. Stupid hormones triggering headaches.

  • Jimmy. It was 5 years ago Tuesday that he left us. We're all healing from the loss, but there are still scars and a Jimmy-shaped hole in my heart. It's not crippling or debilitating anymore, but I just plain love and miss my friend.

  • My birthday. Usually, I love any reason to celebrate. I think that any reason to be happy, we should grab and and milk it for all it's worth. Except that I am totally Meh about my birthday this year. I don't mind getting older (for the most part); having a brush with my mortality last year makes it very clear that it's far superior to the alternative. However, I had an idea for a low-key but fun celebration—a slumber party for a few of my favorite girls to relax and be silly together. Except the NBA All-Star game is in Dallas this year and there's nary a hotel room to be found. And it's the only date folks could find to have a baby shower for some dear friends. And SAPA orientation. And stuff. It just makes me a little pouty that my day got co-opted by everyone else's life. I get it, and don't begrudge anyone anything. But there's some pout nonetheless, and I am just Meh about the whole birthday thing.


    OK, I *might* get out of this funk and go to Panoptikon tonight... weather and 'splody head permitting. But Meh anyway.

  • My car. Got a flat earlier this week. Need to get tire fixed; hoping it can be fixed. Dreading to hear, "you need all new tires or you're gonna DIE!" (See aforementioned comment about lack of hours this week.) I know, I know. It's dumb to borrow trouble when I don't know the answer. My brain is clever enough to realize that; organs south of the brain aren't nearly clever enough.

  • My computer. Laptop took a little tumble from the couch to the tile floor. It's OK, but the power cable? Not so much. Or to be more specific, the spot where it plugs in is a little bent and can't connect to stay charged. And because I am dumb, the spreadsheet I need to finish my taxes and get my refund (about $500) is on the desktop on the broken laptop. Gnar.


  • Really, I guess I could group a lot of those things under Stupid Money as a sub-heading. Things could be (and have been) worse, but it's just one more layer of insecurity in this weird layered parfait of my stress.

    A lot of it, I'm sure, is change-related. Even change for the better is stressful. And I have been feeling a slow but epic shift in the tectonic plates of my life. Exciting? Maybe. Terrifying? Absolutely.

    But for now, it's manifesting as a case of the sads. I hugged on [livejournal.com profile] arbiter_of_cool and let him know I'm a little wobbly and in need of more snugs and cuddles in the days to come. It will pass, of course, but I am trying to feel it instead of bury it. Hopefully this purge will make it a little easier to move through it.
    sandmansister: (Toon - Mellow Resigned Straightforward)
    So apparently I have less time when I'm unemployed. Hurm. Or else I lack the discipline to sit down and write. That's probably it, too (at least partly). I mean, I write all day for work (when I have it); and it usually feels like I'm writing a term paper for which I don't have all the research done and need to pull an all-nighter. So... less than fun and/or creatively fulfilling, n'est ce pas?

    On the plus side (I think), I got a job offer today. A former co-worker referred me to a consulting firm he used to work for. It's a 6-month contract that will allow telecommute (once we're established, so March-ish which is at least in time for faire). The client isn't far, either. However, it's still in the finance industry (jeebus, I know that's my experience thus far but a good Instructional Designer knows how to ask targeted questions to get up to speed on any industry! I'd like to try something new before I moulder ktxbye!) so that's a little meh. I know the pace will be hard as things are changing so rapidly. But hey, there will be overtime which will make up for the $3/hr less I'll be making...

    I know, I know... I should be excited that I have a job. I am a little relieved, but today largely meh on the whole affair. Maybe because I didn't get things done like I wanted to (which is especially important as faire prep will be upon me before I know it), or maybe because I got reiki on Saturday for the first time in YEARS and stuff is just... processing. *shrug* Dunno.

    Or maybe I'm still learning that 9 months after surgery and 5 months after radiation haven't quite given me all my endurance back. DAMMIT. Last week I planned to Get Things Done on Tuesday and was felled by Cramps of Doom and General Malaise. Could barely manage lunch and dishes. Wednesday I was Get Things Done Girl, running all kinds of errands with zest and aplomb, and generally rockin' it. Thursday? *boomsplat* UNFAIR! I feel mostly like myself. And then a house lands on me and I recover, only to feel enough like myself for long enough that I think I've turned a corner, and there's another house falling from the sky headed for yours truly. Bah. Feh. Blarg.

    Sorry, I am rambly today but I am actually writing so I'm hesitant to stop... only now I can't think of what to say.

    Oh YEAH!

    Banks are evil.

    I'm with a smaller bank that got great consumer ratings on customer service and such, and so far they're OK but I am sick of their deposit holding policies. Every Christmas, I get a check from my folks. And EVERY GODDAMN YEAR my bank holds it for 10 days. And the reasons change. At first it was because they had to verify the account due to the amount of the check. Blah blah blah. If I'd deposit after business hours, I'd get a letter in a couple days explaining. Only this year, I got the letter on JANUARY 14th, stating that my deposit done JANUARY 4th would be credited on JANUARY 13th. SERIOUSLY?!? Because someone suspected fraud? It's from MY FREAKING PARENTS! And it happens EVERY YEAR! Bastards. It's not quite "I want you to die in a fire" bad, but damn...

    ... and then there's the piece of shit who swiped my debit card number and racked up hundreds of dollars of fraudulent charges. That's not "Die in a fire" bad either, because I am so pissed that death is too easy; that means the pain stops. I'll take a cue from [livejournal.com profile] nostradomnatrix and recommend starting with the Red Ant Enema... and we'll see how things progress. The bitch of it is that I had to cancel that card, which means tracking down all the bills paid via that card. And they can't start the dispute process until the charges post to my account. There are a couple things pending (like when you shop on the interwebs but they don't charge the card until shipping) so that can't be fixed yet. Though if it was interwebs shopping, then we have an address and I can find out where they live and make their life a living hell prosecute to the full extent of the law.

    Good times.

    I had intended to use that money to sign up at the LA Fitness that everyone goes to... so I guess that's a next week sort of thing. Only I start work next week. Again I say meh.

    At least yesterday was a great day. (Not that today's bad— just blah.) Hit Half Price Books with [livejournal.com profile] arbiter_of_cool and we both found some stuff we wanted; I even had gift cards. Though he scored two signed poetry books by his favorite poet, so that was the big FTW! moment.

    However, I was smart enough to buy this little treat for myself with a little Krimmas money... it arrived today and it is GORGEOUS:


    So though I have gained enough weight thanks to the hormone therapy (stupid cancer!) that I loathe pics of me more than usual (fatFATFAT face—which was my only good feature left!), and generally hate being seen by anyone in public anymore... I will have to attempt a night at Panoptikon. I won't say "to do it justice," but at least break it in. Or something.

    ... and I'm spent.

    No, really.
    sandmansister: (Toon - Mellow Resigned Straightforward)
    So apparently I have less time when I'm unemployed. Hurm. Or else I lack the discipline to sit down and write. That's probably it, too (at least partly). I mean, I write all day for work (when I have it); and it usually feels like I'm writing a term paper for which I don't have all the research done and need to pull an all-nighter. So... less than fun and/or creatively fulfilling, n'est ce pas?

    On the plus side (I think), I got a job offer today. A former co-worker referred me to a consulting firm he used to work for. It's a 6-month contract that will allow telecommute (once we're established, so March-ish which is at least in time for faire). The client isn't far, either. However, it's still in the finance industry (jeebus, I know that's my experience thus far but a good Instructional Designer knows how to ask targeted questions to get up to speed on any industry! I'd like to try something new before I moulder ktxbye!) so that's a little meh. I know the pace will be hard as things are changing so rapidly. But hey, there will be overtime which will make up for the $3/hr less I'll be making...

    I know, I know... I should be excited that I have a job. I am a little relieved, but today largely meh on the whole affair. Maybe because I didn't get things done like I wanted to (which is especially important as faire prep will be upon me before I know it), or maybe because I got reiki on Saturday for the first time in YEARS and stuff is just... processing. *shrug* Dunno.

    Or maybe I'm still learning that 9 months after surgery and 5 months after radiation haven't quite given me all my endurance back. DAMMIT. Last week I planned to Get Things Done on Tuesday and was felled by Cramps of Doom and General Malaise. Could barely manage lunch and dishes. Wednesday I was Get Things Done Girl, running all kinds of errands with zest and aplomb, and generally rockin' it. Thursday? *boomsplat* UNFAIR! I feel mostly like myself. And then a house lands on me and I recover, only to feel enough like myself for long enough that I think I've turned a corner, and there's another house falling from the sky headed for yours truly. Bah. Feh. Blarg.

    Sorry, I am rambly today but I am actually writing so I'm hesitant to stop... only now I can't think of what to say.

    Oh YEAH!

    Banks are evil.

    I'm with a smaller bank that got great consumer ratings on customer service and such, and so far they're OK but I am sick of their deposit holding policies. Every Christmas, I get a check from my folks. And EVERY GODDAMN YEAR my bank holds it for 10 days. And the reasons change. At first it was because they had to verify the account due to the amount of the check. Blah blah blah. If I'd deposit after business hours, I'd get a letter in a couple days explaining. Only this year, I got the letter on JANUARY 14th, stating that my deposit done JANUARY 4th would be credited on JANUARY 13th. SERIOUSLY?!? Because someone suspected fraud? It's from MY FREAKING PARENTS! And it happens EVERY YEAR! Bastards. It's not quite "I want you to die in a fire" bad, but damn...

    ... and then there's the piece of shit who swiped my debit card number and racked up hundreds of dollars of fraudulent charges. That's not "Die in a fire" bad either, because I am so pissed that death is too easy; that means the pain stops. I'll take a cue from [livejournal.com profile] nostradomnatrix and recommend starting with the Red Ant Enema... and we'll see how things progress. The bitch of it is that I had to cancel that card, which means tracking down all the bills paid via that card. And they can't start the dispute process until the charges post to my account. There are a couple things pending (like when you shop on the interwebs but they don't charge the card until shipping) so that can't be fixed yet. Though if it was interwebs shopping, then we have an address and I can find out where they live and make their life a living hell prosecute to the full extent of the law.

    Good times.

    I had intended to use that money to sign up at the LA Fitness that everyone goes to... so I guess that's a next week sort of thing. Only I start work next week. Again I say meh.

    At least yesterday was a great day. (Not that today's bad— just blah.) Hit Half Price Books with [livejournal.com profile] arbiter_of_cool and we both found some stuff we wanted; I even had gift cards. Though he scored two signed poetry books by his favorite poet, so that was the big FTW! moment.

    However, I was smart enough to buy this little treat for myself with a little Krimmas money... it arrived today and it is GORGEOUS:


    So though I have gained enough weight thanks to the hormone therapy (stupid cancer!) that I loathe pics of me more than usual (fatFATFAT face—which was my only good feature left!), and generally hate being seen by anyone in public anymore... I will have to attempt a night at Panoptikon. I won't say "to do it justice," but at least break it in. Or something.

    ... and I'm spent.

    No, really.
    sandmansister: (Toon - Mellow Resigned Straightforward)
    So apparently I have less time when I'm unemployed. Hurm. Or else I lack the discipline to sit down and write. That's probably it, too (at least partly). I mean, I write all day for work (when I have it); and it usually feels like I'm writing a term paper for which I don't have all the research done and need to pull an all-nighter. So... less than fun and/or creatively fulfilling, n'est ce pas?

    On the plus side (I think), I got a job offer today. A former co-worker referred me to a consulting firm he used to work for. It's a 6-month contract that will allow telecommute (once we're established, so March-ish which is at least in time for faire). The client isn't far, either. However, it's still in the finance industry (jeebus, I know that's my experience thus far but a good Instructional Designer knows how to ask targeted questions to get up to speed on any industry! I'd like to try something new before I moulder ktxbye!) so that's a little meh. I know the pace will be hard as things are changing so rapidly. But hey, there will be overtime which will make up for the $3/hr less I'll be making...

    I know, I know... I should be excited that I have a job. I am a little relieved, but today largely meh on the whole affair. Maybe because I didn't get things done like I wanted to (which is especially important as faire prep will be upon me before I know it), or maybe because I got reiki on Saturday for the first time in YEARS and stuff is just... processing. *shrug* Dunno.

    Or maybe I'm still learning that 9 months after surgery and 5 months after radiation haven't quite given me all my endurance back. DAMMIT. Last week I planned to Get Things Done on Tuesday and was felled by Cramps of Doom and General Malaise. Could barely manage lunch and dishes. Wednesday I was Get Things Done Girl, running all kinds of errands with zest and aplomb, and generally rockin' it. Thursday? *boomsplat* UNFAIR! I feel mostly like myself. And then a house lands on me and I recover, only to feel enough like myself for long enough that I think I've turned a corner, and there's another house falling from the sky headed for yours truly. Bah. Feh. Blarg.

    Sorry, I am rambly today but I am actually writing so I'm hesitant to stop... only now I can't think of what to say.

    Oh YEAH!

    Banks are evil.

    I'm with a smaller bank that got great consumer ratings on customer service and such, and so far they're OK but I am sick of their deposit holding policies. Every Christmas, I get a check from my folks. And EVERY GODDAMN YEAR my bank holds it for 10 days. And the reasons change. At first it was because they had to verify the account due to the amount of the check. Blah blah blah. If I'd deposit after business hours, I'd get a letter in a couple days explaining. Only this year, I got the letter on JANUARY 14th, stating that my deposit done JANUARY 4th would be credited on JANUARY 13th. SERIOUSLY?!? Because someone suspected fraud? It's from MY FREAKING PARENTS! And it happens EVERY YEAR! Bastards. It's not quite "I want you to die in a fire" bad, but damn...

    ... and then there's the piece of shit who swiped my debit card number and racked up hundreds of dollars of fraudulent charges. That's not "Die in a fire" bad either, because I am so pissed that death is too easy; that means the pain stops. I'll take a cue from [livejournal.com profile] nostradomnatrix and recommend starting with the Red Ant Enema... and we'll see how things progress. The bitch of it is that I had to cancel that card, which means tracking down all the bills paid via that card. And they can't start the dispute process until the charges post to my account. There are a couple things pending (like when you shop on the interwebs but they don't charge the card until shipping) so that can't be fixed yet. Though if it was interwebs shopping, then we have an address and I can find out where they live and make their life a living hell prosecute to the full extent of the law.

    Good times.

    I had intended to use that money to sign up at the LA Fitness that everyone goes to... so I guess that's a next week sort of thing. Only I start work next week. Again I say meh.

    At least yesterday was a great day. (Not that today's bad— just blah.) Hit Half Price Books with [livejournal.com profile] arbiter_of_cool and we both found some stuff we wanted; I even had gift cards. Though he scored two signed poetry books by his favorite poet, so that was the big FTW! moment.

    However, I was smart enough to buy this little treat for myself with a little Krimmas money... it arrived today and it is GORGEOUS:


    So though I have gained enough weight thanks to the hormone therapy (stupid cancer!) that I loathe pics of me more than usual (fatFATFAT face—which was my only good feature left!), and generally hate being seen by anyone in public anymore... I will have to attempt a night at Panoptikon. I won't say "to do it justice," but at least break it in. Or something.

    ... and I'm spent.

    No, really.
    sandmansister: (Toon - Mellow Resigned Straightforward)
    So apparently I have less time when I'm unemployed. Hurm. Or else I lack the discipline to sit down and write. That's probably it, too (at least partly). I mean, I write all day for work (when I have it); and it usually feels like I'm writing a term paper for which I don't have all the research done and need to pull an all-nighter. So... less than fun and/or creatively fulfilling, n'est ce pas?

    On the plus side (I think), I got a job offer today. A former co-worker referred me to a consulting firm he used to work for. It's a 6-month contract that will allow telecommute (once we're established, so March-ish which is at least in time for faire). The client isn't far, either. However, it's still in the finance industry (jeebus, I know that's my experience thus far but a good Instructional Designer knows how to ask targeted questions to get up to speed on any industry! I'd like to try something new before I moulder ktxbye!) so that's a little meh. I know the pace will be hard as things are changing so rapidly. But hey, there will be overtime which will make up for the $3/hr less I'll be making...

    I know, I know... I should be excited that I have a job. I am a little relieved, but today largely meh on the whole affair. Maybe because I didn't get things done like I wanted to (which is especially important as faire prep will be upon me before I know it), or maybe because I got reiki on Saturday for the first time in YEARS and stuff is just... processing. *shrug* Dunno.

    Or maybe I'm still learning that 9 months after surgery and 5 months after radiation haven't quite given me all my endurance back. DAMMIT. Last week I planned to Get Things Done on Tuesday and was felled by Cramps of Doom and General Malaise. Could barely manage lunch and dishes. Wednesday I was Get Things Done Girl, running all kinds of errands with zest and aplomb, and generally rockin' it. Thursday? *boomsplat* UNFAIR! I feel mostly like myself. And then a house lands on me and I recover, only to feel enough like myself for long enough that I think I've turned a corner, and there's another house falling from the sky headed for yours truly. Bah. Feh. Blarg.

    Sorry, I am rambly today but I am actually writing so I'm hesitant to stop... only now I can't think of what to say.

    Oh YEAH!

    Banks are evil.

    I'm with a smaller bank that got great consumer ratings on customer service and such, and so far they're OK but I am sick of their deposit holding policies. Every Christmas, I get a check from my folks. And EVERY GODDAMN YEAR my bank holds it for 10 days. And the reasons change. At first it was because they had to verify the account due to the amount of the check. Blah blah blah. If I'd deposit after business hours, I'd get a letter in a couple days explaining. Only this year, I got the letter on JANUARY 14th, stating that my deposit done JANUARY 4th would be credited on JANUARY 13th. SERIOUSLY?!? Because someone suspected fraud? It's from MY FREAKING PARENTS! And it happens EVERY YEAR! Bastards. It's not quite "I want you to die in a fire" bad, but damn...

    ... and then there's the piece of shit who swiped my debit card number and racked up hundreds of dollars of fraudulent charges. That's not "Die in a fire" bad either, because I am so pissed that death is too easy; that means the pain stops. I'll take a cue from [livejournal.com profile] nostradomnatrix and recommend starting with the Red Ant Enema... and we'll see how things progress. The bitch of it is that I had to cancel that card, which means tracking down all the bills paid via that card. And they can't start the dispute process until the charges post to my account. There are a couple things pending (like when you shop on the interwebs but they don't charge the card until shipping) so that can't be fixed yet. Though if it was interwebs shopping, then we have an address and I can find out where they live and make their life a living hell prosecute to the full extent of the law.

    Good times.

    I had intended to use that money to sign up at the LA Fitness that everyone goes to... so I guess that's a next week sort of thing. Only I start work next week. Again I say meh.

    At least yesterday was a great day. (Not that today's bad— just blah.) Hit Half Price Books with [livejournal.com profile] arbiter_of_cool and we both found some stuff we wanted; I even had gift cards. Though he scored two signed poetry books by his favorite poet, so that was the big FTW! moment.

    However, I was smart enough to buy this little treat for myself with a little Krimmas money... it arrived today and it is GORGEOUS:


    So though I have gained enough weight thanks to the hormone therapy (stupid cancer!) that I loathe pics of me more than usual (fatFATFAT face—which was my only good feature left!), and generally hate being seen by anyone in public anymore... I will have to attempt a night at Panoptikon. I won't say "to do it justice," but at least break it in. Or something.

    ... and I'm spent.

    No, really.
    sandmansister: (Spock calm)
    First and foremost, thank you all for your words of support during my weeks of wibble. When I begin to doubt the Universe and my place in it, I have only to think of my Tribe to put things in perspective.

    Now that I’ve had some chance to consider things more, I stand by my “Not OK” diagnosis. But I think—for myself and those who interact with me regularly—I need to clarify just a bit.

    There’s depression, sure. But I’m (mostly) functional, which is why things are so tricky. I’m not so bad that I can’t get out of bed (OK, that’s never been easy for me; just go with it). I still have happy moments. The National Anthem gig at the Allen Americans game last Saturday was great, as was dinner afterwards. Lace time is always healing (mainly because laughter—much of it inappropriate— is plentiful).

    If I were caught in a Tar Baby of Misery, I think I’d feel more entitled. Or at least it would make more sense. As it is, things are just a little off. That’s much harder for me to notice and deal with. And keep in mind that I’m talking about what my heart knows, not my brain. Rationally, I get that my responses are reasonable and expected. That doesn’t mean I’m emotionally smart enough to apply that to myself. (I’m working on it!)

    It also helped to realize that one of the tamoxifen side effects is depression. (So is weight gain... and I’m here to tell you that in and of itself is depressing!) So there are definitely a number of factors at play, chemical and emotional.

    Many of you have said, “Whatever you need.” Thank you. A thousand times, thank you. I just wish that wasn’t such a moving target! I go from wanting to be covered up by my nearest and dearest to wishing for a cabin for one in the woods somewhere far away.

    I can say this much, though: I need you all. (Don’t I always? But now it’s more keenly felt.) Big gatherings feel intimidating right now. But small, spontaneous things? That’s of the good. And please don’t wait for me to be smart enough to set something up. I can’t. I’m just depressed enough that reaching out is hard—this is as close as I get. Help me get the ball rolling.

    Going for dinner? Call me. Coffee date? Let me know. Wanna come watch movies? Drop a line. Holiday bake-a-thon? I might mix, blend, and/or whip. I can’t guarantee I will say yes, but the asking should help me feel more connected—especially because I can trust you all to get it if I say, “I just can’t.” But eventually, I will say yes. You can count on it.

    And yes, I am writing my book. Right now most of it’s in my head (at least the bits I haven’t written here), but I am Having Thoughts. And I think I know the title: I’m Not OK (and That’s OK): Happy Endings Are Hard, Too.

    As ever, I love you all. Wishing you peace, love, and the decadent confection of your choice.
    sandmansister: (Spock calm)
    First and foremost, thank you all for your words of support during my weeks of wibble. When I begin to doubt the Universe and my place in it, I have only to think of my Tribe to put things in perspective.

    Now that I’ve had some chance to consider things more, I stand by my “Not OK” diagnosis. But I think—for myself and those who interact with me regularly—I need to clarify just a bit.

    There’s depression, sure. But I’m (mostly) functional, which is why things are so tricky. I’m not so bad that I can’t get out of bed (OK, that’s never been easy for me; just go with it). I still have happy moments. The National Anthem gig at the Allen Americans game last Saturday was great, as was dinner afterwards. Lace time is always healing (mainly because laughter—much of it inappropriate— is plentiful).

    If I were caught in a Tar Baby of Misery, I think I’d feel more entitled. Or at least it would make more sense. As it is, things are just a little off. That’s much harder for me to notice and deal with. And keep in mind that I’m talking about what my heart knows, not my brain. Rationally, I get that my responses are reasonable and expected. That doesn’t mean I’m emotionally smart enough to apply that to myself. (I’m working on it!)

    It also helped to realize that one of the tamoxifen side effects is depression. (So is weight gain... and I’m here to tell you that in and of itself is depressing!) So there are definitely a number of factors at play, chemical and emotional.

    Many of you have said, “Whatever you need.” Thank you. A thousand times, thank you. I just wish that wasn’t such a moving target! I go from wanting to be covered up by my nearest and dearest to wishing for a cabin for one in the woods somewhere far away.

    I can say this much, though: I need you all. (Don’t I always? But now it’s more keenly felt.) Big gatherings feel intimidating right now. But small, spontaneous things? That’s of the good. And please don’t wait for me to be smart enough to set something up. I can’t. I’m just depressed enough that reaching out is hard—this is as close as I get. Help me get the ball rolling.

    Going for dinner? Call me. Coffee date? Let me know. Wanna come watch movies? Drop a line. Holiday bake-a-thon? I might mix, blend, and/or whip. I can’t guarantee I will say yes, but the asking should help me feel more connected—especially because I can trust you all to get it if I say, “I just can’t.” But eventually, I will say yes. You can count on it.

    And yes, I am writing my book. Right now most of it’s in my head (at least the bits I haven’t written here), but I am Having Thoughts. And I think I know the title: I’m Not OK (and That’s OK): Happy Endings Are Hard, Too.

    As ever, I love you all. Wishing you peace, love, and the decadent confection of your choice.
    sandmansister: (Spock calm)
    First and foremost, thank you all for your words of support during my weeks of wibble. When I begin to doubt the Universe and my place in it, I have only to think of my Tribe to put things in perspective.

    Now that I’ve had some chance to consider things more, I stand by my “Not OK” diagnosis. But I think—for myself and those who interact with me regularly—I need to clarify just a bit.

    There’s depression, sure. But I’m (mostly) functional, which is why things are so tricky. I’m not so bad that I can’t get out of bed (OK, that’s never been easy for me; just go with it). I still have happy moments. The National Anthem gig at the Allen Americans game last Saturday was great, as was dinner afterwards. Lace time is always healing (mainly because laughter—much of it inappropriate— is plentiful).

    If I were caught in a Tar Baby of Misery, I think I’d feel more entitled. Or at least it would make more sense. As it is, things are just a little off. That’s much harder for me to notice and deal with. And keep in mind that I’m talking about what my heart knows, not my brain. Rationally, I get that my responses are reasonable and expected. That doesn’t mean I’m emotionally smart enough to apply that to myself. (I’m working on it!)

    It also helped to realize that one of the tamoxifen side effects is depression. (So is weight gain... and I’m here to tell you that in and of itself is depressing!) So there are definitely a number of factors at play, chemical and emotional.

    Many of you have said, “Whatever you need.” Thank you. A thousand times, thank you. I just wish that wasn’t such a moving target! I go from wanting to be covered up by my nearest and dearest to wishing for a cabin for one in the woods somewhere far away.

    I can say this much, though: I need you all. (Don’t I always? But now it’s more keenly felt.) Big gatherings feel intimidating right now. But small, spontaneous things? That’s of the good. And please don’t wait for me to be smart enough to set something up. I can’t. I’m just depressed enough that reaching out is hard—this is as close as I get. Help me get the ball rolling.

    Going for dinner? Call me. Coffee date? Let me know. Wanna come watch movies? Drop a line. Holiday bake-a-thon? I might mix, blend, and/or whip. I can’t guarantee I will say yes, but the asking should help me feel more connected—especially because I can trust you all to get it if I say, “I just can’t.” But eventually, I will say yes. You can count on it.

    And yes, I am writing my book. Right now most of it’s in my head (at least the bits I haven’t written here), but I am Having Thoughts. And I think I know the title: I’m Not OK (and That’s OK): Happy Endings Are Hard, Too.

    As ever, I love you all. Wishing you peace, love, and the decadent confection of your choice.
    sandmansister: (Spock calm)
    First and foremost, thank you all for your words of support during my weeks of wibble. When I begin to doubt the Universe and my place in it, I have only to think of my Tribe to put things in perspective.

    Now that I’ve had some chance to consider things more, I stand by my “Not OK” diagnosis. But I think—for myself and those who interact with me regularly—I need to clarify just a bit.

    There’s depression, sure. But I’m (mostly) functional, which is why things are so tricky. I’m not so bad that I can’t get out of bed (OK, that’s never been easy for me; just go with it). I still have happy moments. The National Anthem gig at the Allen Americans game last Saturday was great, as was dinner afterwards. Lace time is always healing (mainly because laughter—much of it inappropriate— is plentiful).

    If I were caught in a Tar Baby of Misery, I think I’d feel more entitled. Or at least it would make more sense. As it is, things are just a little off. That’s much harder for me to notice and deal with. And keep in mind that I’m talking about what my heart knows, not my brain. Rationally, I get that my responses are reasonable and expected. That doesn’t mean I’m emotionally smart enough to apply that to myself. (I’m working on it!)

    It also helped to realize that one of the tamoxifen side effects is depression. (So is weight gain... and I’m here to tell you that in and of itself is depressing!) So there are definitely a number of factors at play, chemical and emotional.

    Many of you have said, “Whatever you need.” Thank you. A thousand times, thank you. I just wish that wasn’t such a moving target! I go from wanting to be covered up by my nearest and dearest to wishing for a cabin for one in the woods somewhere far away.

    I can say this much, though: I need you all. (Don’t I always? But now it’s more keenly felt.) Big gatherings feel intimidating right now. But small, spontaneous things? That’s of the good. And please don’t wait for me to be smart enough to set something up. I can’t. I’m just depressed enough that reaching out is hard—this is as close as I get. Help me get the ball rolling.

    Going for dinner? Call me. Coffee date? Let me know. Wanna come watch movies? Drop a line. Holiday bake-a-thon? I might mix, blend, and/or whip. I can’t guarantee I will say yes, but the asking should help me feel more connected—especially because I can trust you all to get it if I say, “I just can’t.” But eventually, I will say yes. You can count on it.

    And yes, I am writing my book. Right now most of it’s in my head (at least the bits I haven’t written here), but I am Having Thoughts. And I think I know the title: I’m Not OK (and That’s OK): Happy Endings Are Hard, Too.

    As ever, I love you all. Wishing you peace, love, and the decadent confection of your choice.
    sandmansister: (GIR spin)
    Just popping in to share a few highlights of life as of late:

  • High expectations on a high-focus project + nigh impossible deadlines = ‘splody me. Developed eLearning overview + 5 job-specific modules on a new workflow/queuing tool in about than 3 weeks... one that was still changing up to 9/14 (which meant almost daily rewrites). It’s done (and so am I). No one died... though at one particularly low point, if the Powers That Be told me to either 1) do that day over; or 2) get Boobonic Plague again... well, I would have had to think hard about my choice ('cuz hell, I know I can beat friggin' cancer...) But things are better now. : /

  • I can tell autumn is arriving. My Inner Betty Crocker is stirring (ha! Food pun FTW!) and I’m mostly content to let her. Made a Tex-Mex goulash based on [livejournal.com profile] wyckedgood’s family recipe, and cobbler last night thanks to [livejournal.com profile] divalace. Felt good after the last few hectic weeks to do something domestic (and let [livejournal.com profile] arbiter_of_cool handle the dishes – lulz).

  • Performed w/QAL at a retirement home on Friday. What a gratifying gig on all levels! The facility is lovely, and the residents really seemed to enjoy (which only egged us on to perform even better). Plus, the acoustics were fab so we could add lots of dynamic contrast without oversinging. I even helped a little old lady—OMG 90 next month!—who needed help escaping the clutches of the metal folding chair.

  • It really is a small world after all. Got the lovely smoked whitefish that MM* sent from the Lixey Fish Market. As we signed for the package, the postman noticed the return address in Oscoda. Guess where he is from?!?!?!!!! He left in 1969, though… didn’t have the heart to tell him that I was just being born…

  • Kids dancing = teh funneh. Kids trying to breakdance and/or stage their own dance battle? HIGH-larious! (Looked a lot like my GIR icon *points up*, in fact.) [livejournal.com profile] jojo_qtpie’s ceremony and reception were lovely, but that bit almost literally took the cake IMHO.

  • Speaking of wedding, I loved that the bride and groom arrived to the space in which they were to wed at the same time. Subtle and powerful symbolism there. Me rikey. And knowing what the Family Welch has endured these last few months, seeing her father walk with her, give a toast, and dance with her was even more schmooble-inspiring than usual (though the original tune written by her uncle for their first dance moved me to tears, too).

  • So sad that I missed Oktoberfest this year. Had rehearsal on Thursday for the aforementioned gig, and a 9am call on Friday got moved up by 30 minutes… had to put on the damned big girl panties. Friday was a friend’s 50th and though we were home at a decent hour, I was fork-in-me done after the work week. In bed before 10pm and slept solidly until 8:30 the next morning. However, there was sausage and kraut and red cabbage of joy at the wedding, so that seemed to balance things a bit. Plus, still have a gift certificate for Bavarian Grill… oms and noms!

  • QAL is heading back to Dunn Bros in Addison on November 7th (see QALace.com for details coming soon). We’re taking up a collection for RESCU, which is particularly timely since we recently heard about Mikael the Mime’s leukemia diagnosis. Hope we can contribute something to help him and other folks in need. We’re also headed back into the studio soon, so there will be *ahem*
    A NEW QAL CD NEXT SPRING!


    More highlights as I think of them… hope you all are keeping yourselves well and in just enough trouble to make life fun.

    * Michigan Momma (a.k.a. my birth mother)
  • sandmansister: (GIR spin)
    Just popping in to share a few highlights of life as of late:

  • High expectations on a high-focus project + nigh impossible deadlines = ‘splody me. Developed eLearning overview + 5 job-specific modules on a new workflow/queuing tool in about than 3 weeks... one that was still changing up to 9/14 (which meant almost daily rewrites). It’s done (and so am I). No one died... though at one particularly low point, if the Powers That Be told me to either 1) do that day over; or 2) get Boobonic Plague again... well, I would have had to think hard about my choice ('cuz hell, I know I can beat friggin' cancer...) But things are better now. : /

  • I can tell autumn is arriving. My Inner Betty Crocker is stirring (ha! Food pun FTW!) and I’m mostly content to let her. Made a Tex-Mex goulash based on [livejournal.com profile] wyckedgood’s family recipe, and cobbler last night thanks to [livejournal.com profile] divalace. Felt good after the last few hectic weeks to do something domestic (and let [livejournal.com profile] arbiter_of_cool handle the dishes – lulz).

  • Performed w/QAL at a retirement home on Friday. What a gratifying gig on all levels! The facility is lovely, and the residents really seemed to enjoy (which only egged us on to perform even better). Plus, the acoustics were fab so we could add lots of dynamic contrast without oversinging. I even helped a little old lady—OMG 90 next month!—who needed help escaping the clutches of the metal folding chair.

  • It really is a small world after all. Got the lovely smoked whitefish that MM* sent from the Lixey Fish Market. As we signed for the package, the postman noticed the return address in Oscoda. Guess where he is from?!?!?!!!! He left in 1969, though… didn’t have the heart to tell him that I was just being born…

  • Kids dancing = teh funneh. Kids trying to breakdance and/or stage their own dance battle? HIGH-larious! (Looked a lot like my GIR icon *points up*, in fact.) [livejournal.com profile] jojo_qtpie’s ceremony and reception were lovely, but that bit almost literally took the cake IMHO.

  • Speaking of wedding, I loved that the bride and groom arrived to the space in which they were to wed at the same time. Subtle and powerful symbolism there. Me rikey. And knowing what the Family Welch has endured these last few months, seeing her father walk with her, give a toast, and dance with her was even more schmooble-inspiring than usual (though the original tune written by her uncle for their first dance moved me to tears, too).

  • So sad that I missed Oktoberfest this year. Had rehearsal on Thursday for the aforementioned gig, and a 9am call on Friday got moved up by 30 minutes… had to put on the damned big girl panties. Friday was a friend’s 50th and though we were home at a decent hour, I was fork-in-me done after the work week. In bed before 10pm and slept solidly until 8:30 the next morning. However, there was sausage and kraut and red cabbage of joy at the wedding, so that seemed to balance things a bit. Plus, still have a gift certificate for Bavarian Grill… oms and noms!

  • QAL is heading back to Dunn Bros in Addison on November 7th (see QALace.com for details coming soon). We’re taking up a collection for RESCU, which is particularly timely since we recently heard about Mikael the Mime’s leukemia diagnosis. Hope we can contribute something to help him and other folks in need. We’re also headed back into the studio soon, so there will be *ahem*
    A NEW QAL CD NEXT SPRING!


    More highlights as I think of them… hope you all are keeping yourselves well and in just enough trouble to make life fun.

    * Michigan Momma (a.k.a. my birth mother)
  • sandmansister: (GIR spin)
    Just popping in to share a few highlights of life as of late:

  • High expectations on a high-focus project + nigh impossible deadlines = ‘splody me. Developed eLearning overview + 5 job-specific modules on a new workflow/queuing tool in about than 3 weeks... one that was still changing up to 9/14 (which meant almost daily rewrites). It’s done (and so am I). No one died... though at one particularly low point, if the Powers That Be told me to either 1) do that day over; or 2) get Boobonic Plague again... well, I would have had to think hard about my choice ('cuz hell, I know I can beat friggin' cancer...) But things are better now. : /

  • I can tell autumn is arriving. My Inner Betty Crocker is stirring (ha! Food pun FTW!) and I’m mostly content to let her. Made a Tex-Mex goulash based on [livejournal.com profile] wyckedgood’s family recipe, and cobbler last night thanks to [livejournal.com profile] divalace. Felt good after the last few hectic weeks to do something domestic (and let [livejournal.com profile] arbiter_of_cool handle the dishes – lulz).

  • Performed w/QAL at a retirement home on Friday. What a gratifying gig on all levels! The facility is lovely, and the residents really seemed to enjoy (which only egged us on to perform even better). Plus, the acoustics were fab so we could add lots of dynamic contrast without oversinging. I even helped a little old lady—OMG 90 next month!—who needed help escaping the clutches of the metal folding chair.

  • It really is a small world after all. Got the lovely smoked whitefish that MM* sent from the Lixey Fish Market. As we signed for the package, the postman noticed the return address in Oscoda. Guess where he is from?!?!?!!!! He left in 1969, though… didn’t have the heart to tell him that I was just being born…

  • Kids dancing = teh funneh. Kids trying to breakdance and/or stage their own dance battle? HIGH-larious! (Looked a lot like my GIR icon *points up*, in fact.) [livejournal.com profile] jojo_qtpie’s ceremony and reception were lovely, but that bit almost literally took the cake IMHO.

  • Speaking of wedding, I loved that the bride and groom arrived to the space in which they were to wed at the same time. Subtle and powerful symbolism there. Me rikey. And knowing what the Family Welch has endured these last few months, seeing her father walk with her, give a toast, and dance with her was even more schmooble-inspiring than usual (though the original tune written by her uncle for their first dance moved me to tears, too).

  • So sad that I missed Oktoberfest this year. Had rehearsal on Thursday for the aforementioned gig, and a 9am call on Friday got moved up by 30 minutes… had to put on the damned big girl panties. Friday was a friend’s 50th and though we were home at a decent hour, I was fork-in-me done after the work week. In bed before 10pm and slept solidly until 8:30 the next morning. However, there was sausage and kraut and red cabbage of joy at the wedding, so that seemed to balance things a bit. Plus, still have a gift certificate for Bavarian Grill… oms and noms!

  • QAL is heading back to Dunn Bros in Addison on November 7th (see QALace.com for details coming soon). We’re taking up a collection for RESCU, which is particularly timely since we recently heard about Mikael the Mime’s leukemia diagnosis. Hope we can contribute something to help him and other folks in need. We’re also headed back into the studio soon, so there will be *ahem*
    A NEW QAL CD NEXT SPRING!


    More highlights as I think of them… hope you all are keeping yourselves well and in just enough trouble to make life fun.

    * Michigan Momma (a.k.a. my birth mother)
  • sandmansister: (GIR spin)
    Just popping in to share a few highlights of life as of late:

  • High expectations on a high-focus project + nigh impossible deadlines = ‘splody me. Developed eLearning overview + 5 job-specific modules on a new workflow/queuing tool in about than 3 weeks... one that was still changing up to 9/14 (which meant almost daily rewrites). It’s done (and so am I). No one died... though at one particularly low point, if the Powers That Be told me to either 1) do that day over; or 2) get Boobonic Plague again... well, I would have had to think hard about my choice ('cuz hell, I know I can beat friggin' cancer...) But things are better now. : /

  • I can tell autumn is arriving. My Inner Betty Crocker is stirring (ha! Food pun FTW!) and I’m mostly content to let her. Made a Tex-Mex goulash based on [livejournal.com profile] wyckedgood’s family recipe, and cobbler last night thanks to [livejournal.com profile] divalace. Felt good after the last few hectic weeks to do something domestic (and let [livejournal.com profile] arbiter_of_cool handle the dishes – lulz).

  • Performed w/QAL at a retirement home on Friday. What a gratifying gig on all levels! The facility is lovely, and the residents really seemed to enjoy (which only egged us on to perform even better). Plus, the acoustics were fab so we could add lots of dynamic contrast without oversinging. I even helped a little old lady—OMG 90 next month!—who needed help escaping the clutches of the metal folding chair.

  • It really is a small world after all. Got the lovely smoked whitefish that MM* sent from the Lixey Fish Market. As we signed for the package, the postman noticed the return address in Oscoda. Guess where he is from?!?!?!!!! He left in 1969, though… didn’t have the heart to tell him that I was just being born…

  • Kids dancing = teh funneh. Kids trying to breakdance and/or stage their own dance battle? HIGH-larious! (Looked a lot like my GIR icon *points up*, in fact.) [livejournal.com profile] jojo_qtpie’s ceremony and reception were lovely, but that bit almost literally took the cake IMHO.

  • Speaking of wedding, I loved that the bride and groom arrived to the space in which they were to wed at the same time. Subtle and powerful symbolism there. Me rikey. And knowing what the Family Welch has endured these last few months, seeing her father walk with her, give a toast, and dance with her was even more schmooble-inspiring than usual (though the original tune written by her uncle for their first dance moved me to tears, too).

  • So sad that I missed Oktoberfest this year. Had rehearsal on Thursday for the aforementioned gig, and a 9am call on Friday got moved up by 30 minutes… had to put on the damned big girl panties. Friday was a friend’s 50th and though we were home at a decent hour, I was fork-in-me done after the work week. In bed before 10pm and slept solidly until 8:30 the next morning. However, there was sausage and kraut and red cabbage of joy at the wedding, so that seemed to balance things a bit. Plus, still have a gift certificate for Bavarian Grill… oms and noms!

  • QAL is heading back to Dunn Bros in Addison on November 7th (see QALace.com for details coming soon). We’re taking up a collection for RESCU, which is particularly timely since we recently heard about Mikael the Mime’s leukemia diagnosis. Hope we can contribute something to help him and other folks in need. We’re also headed back into the studio soon, so there will be *ahem*
    A NEW QAL CD NEXT SPRING!


    More highlights as I think of them… hope you all are keeping yourselves well and in just enough trouble to make life fun.

    * Michigan Momma (a.k.a. my birth mother)
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