This says it better than I ever could

[sandmansister]

Saving here for my own purposes, but also wanted to share this excellent food for thought. It's about the criteria we use to choose romantic partners, but it most certainly applies to any close relationship. For myself, there's no appreciable difference between a love partner and a cherished friend, at least from an emotional perspective. Love is love; the way the emotion/relationship manifests just varies based on chemistry.

This essay articulates a lot of things I knew, but my heart couldn't find the words to express. The biggest is this:

It is possible to deeply, sincerely love someone and still not be a good partner for that person.

And I sort of already adopted this approach, but I'm going to make it a more conscious practice, now:

If I meet someone who seems interesting, and seems interested in me, I am more likely to ask the question "Does this person really light me up inside and bring out joy in me?" than "Does this person have some disagreeable trait that I don't like?" That approach tends to "fail open"—the default is *not* to start a relationship unless there's something very special about the person, rather than to start a relationship unless there's something disagreeable about her.

So here's to failing open, my lovelies. And thank you one and all for making my heart sparkle darkly.